


Let Me Love the Lonely

by RacingHeart



Category: Political RPF - US 20th c., Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Death, Divorce, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Healing, Heartbreak, Romance, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-23 12:26:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11989764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RacingHeart/pseuds/RacingHeart
Summary: Companion Piece to The Same Old ThingWith an impending divorce looming over her head Hillary leaves D.C for New York to rebuild her life. Immersing herself in quiet seclusion she starts picking up the pieces, contemplating a run of office, whilst still being committed to carrying out the last two years of her First Lady duties. A chance meeting changes everything.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Same Old Thing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10655448) by [RacingHeart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RacingHeart/pseuds/RacingHeart). 



> Okay so this is different. I wanted to expand on Hillary and Hayden a bit. This will not cover everything just main points here and there. Starting with their initial meeting and ending with his death. Will probably be 8 to 12 chapters. This work in no way bashes Bill. Just explains the gaps between their divorce and reconciliation. I don't know how to embed images but Hayden is envisioned as Bruce Greenwood. You can google him if need be.

Let Me Love the Lonely

Let me love the lonely out of you  
Let me love the pain you're going through  
I think I've saved myself by saving you  
Let me love the lonely out of you

Dorothy Rodham. Rodham? Hillary Rodham Clinton. That was it. The daughter waiting for him was the First Lady of the United States. Dr. Hayden Dalton ran a hand through his sandy blond wavy hair, pushing a stray lock out of his face. Over the course of his career he had encountered well-know people before. Being star struck wasn’t something that happened to him.

So why was there a fluttering in his stomach? Excitement, he reasoned. Celebrities came and went, fame was fleeting like that. But First Lady? There had only ever been forty-two of those. A rare and special privilege, And Hillary was so unlike any other First Lady who had ever come before her. He had no idea what to expect from her. 

Hillary sat in the private waiting room, security detail on the other side. She had dozed off whilst waiting for her mother’s doctor. It had been a long evening of tests and blood draws and scans. Of course Dorothy dismissed the entire thing, but Hillary wouldn’t relent until they were entering the hospital through a rear entrance. 

Suddenly there was she. And despite being asleep in a waiting room club chair she was beautiful. More than beautiful. Regal and alluring. Sleek blonde hair was pulled back away from her face and her signature skirt suit was abandoned for black yoga pants and a navy pullover Yale sweatshirt. She was relaxed in her slumber and he almost hated to wake her. 

“Mrs. Clinton?” he called out softly. His hand gingerly reached out to touch her shoulder, hoping not to startle her. “Mrs. Clinton?” 

Mmmhmm.” she mumbled as she struggled to make her way out of her fog of sleep. Her eyes blinked open. The hospital lighting was bright she was trying to adjust her vision.

Hayden was met with the most amazing set of blue eyes. Dark in color yet so bright and incredibly vibrant. “I’m sorry to wake you.”

“No, it’s okay.” she said, sitting up in the chair. “I didn’t mean to doze off. How’s my mom? What did you find?”

A worried daughter. That’s what the First Lady was. A human, living, breathing person completely separate from her title and protective public façade.

“Well, it is…” he looked down at his watch. “…eight minutes until two. Completely understandable.”

Hillary smiled. Either he was really good at delivering bad news or he didn’t have any. And she surmised that his handsome face didn’t seem to be hiding anything. He sat down in the chair adjacent to her. “I’m unofficially your mother’s doctor, Hayden Dalton.” he introduced himself. “Mrs. Rodham is resting in her room.” he said. “Very comfortably might I add. She was a trooper considering all the stuff we had to put her through.”

“She’s always been a fighter.” she told him. “Toughest person I know. I don’t know what I would do without her.”

Hayden nodded and smiled. “Well you’re not going to have to work about that for a longtime.” he assured her. “She has a little angina. It’s stable and mild. I think we can treat it with some medication and a few minor lifestyle changes.”

Hillary had released a breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding. Of course heart conditions of any kind weren’t good but this? This she would take. This she could handle. Tears welled in her eyes. Relief had never felt so good. “Oh, Thank God!” she couldn’t help the tears falling down her face. He pulled a few tissues out of the box and handed them to her. “Thank you.” she replied, wiping at her eyes. 

“You can see her.” he said, standing up and offering her his hand. “I’ll take you.”

Hillary looked up at him and met grey-blue eyes. They were kind, little lines framing them and when he smiled slightly it made the cleft in his chin even more prominent. For some reason she couldn’t explain she felt safe with him. And so she placed her hand in his and funnily enough it seemed to fit well. 

Hayden helped her to her feet, waiting for her to step back into her ballet flats. “Ready, Cinderella?”

She chuckled. “Cinderella wore glass slippers.”

“Touché.” he laughed. “I was hoping to play Prince Charming if only for a moment.”

“Then far be it from me to crush your dreams.” 

He took the hand he was holding and laced her arm through his. “Right this way, your majesty.”

“I guess that makes you my most gallant knight.”

“Now that’s a title I could get used to.” The door automatically opened for them. Two secret service men on either side. “Very intuitive, aren’t they?” 

“They know what I’m going to do before I do.” she told him. “And they’re very discreet.”

Hayden glanced back at them. “Just the two of them?”

Hillary’s eyes danced playfully. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“So there are more.” he said, looking around. “I bet I can pick them out.”

“You think?” she challenged playfully. 

“This is my hospital.” he said. “I’m Chief of Staff. And I know my people.”

Hillary was intrigued by him. “Alright.” she agreed. “Give it a go.”

Hayden casually looked around as they made their way down the sterile corridor. “The guy in the black jacket, he’s not one of mine.” 

“No?”

“No.” he confirmed. “Way too serious. And the suit? Dead give away."

Hillary laughed, softly. “Okay that’s one point for you.”

“So I take it’s there’s more.” he said, continuing to look around. “I’m assuming they have to be in so many feet of you.”

“Do you?” 

Hayden smiled. “Do you always answer a question with a question?”

“Sometimes.” she replied. “Besides it wouldn’t be much of a game if I didn’t, would it?”

“I suppose not.”

They were coming closer to their destination and he had yet to see someone else who looked out of place. “This guy must be more discreet than the last. Unless there’s not a forth.”

“Oh, there’s a forth.” she told him. “Perhaps even a fifth.”

He stopped outside of Mrs. Rodham’s room. He looked over toward the waiting area. “Guy in the bright green track suit?”

“That’s a point for me, Dr. Dalton.” she chuckled. “See the redheaded lady down on the left of the nurse’s station? That’s Agent Philips. And she has amazing aim.”

“Good to know.” he leaned up against the wall. 

Their rapport was easy and light. Fun even. And he was incredibly handsome relaxed against the wall. Who knew that scrubs and a lab coat could make someone look so sexy? The energy pooling between them was palpable. 

“Shall we?” she asked, nodding in the direction of her mother’s room. 

“Yes, of course.” he pushed open the heavy wooden door and held it for her. “After you, your majesty.”

Hillary smiled, confident he couldn’t see her. “Thank you, sir.”

It was all harmless she assured herself. Just a little flirting to make her feel good. Nothing would ever come of it. She wouldn’t let it. 

 

tbc…


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the feedback! I've pre-written 5 chapters. So we're halfway there.

Let Me Love the Lonely

 

 

He was incredibly sexy leaning up against the doorjamb, waiting for her at the entrance to the living room. A ridiculous wavy lock of sandy blond hair falling into his face. He was toned, that much she could tell from the fit of his clothes. Not overly so, but she imagined him with defined abs and strong muscular arms and legs. His lopsided smile drew her in and the subtle wrinkles around his playful blue-grey eyes kept her there.

There was no doubt that he made her feel things that she shouldn’t be feeling. That a still married woman shouldn’t feel when she looked at another man. The way just being near him made her blood rush, her stomach flutter and her heart race.

Hayden watched as she descended the stairs. He had always found her beautiful, even before they met at the hospital. But watching her come down the stairs toward him made her breathtaking. He tried his best to keep his eyes on hers. And not to dip down her body. Her long robe was slightly open and beneath it a peek of purple silk that he imagined clung to exactly all the right places. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your evening, Mrs. Clinton.”

Her eyes settled on his pale pink lips. They were full and she guessed they would be soft against her own. “You’re not interrupting, Dr. Dalton.” she assured him. “I was just upstairs reading.”

He nodded. “Well, I won’t keep you. I wanted to drop off Mrs. Rodham’s prescription.”

“Prescription?” she quirked an eyebrow.

“Yes.” he reached inside his pant pocket and retrieved the little orange bottle. “She mentioned she only had a few left and I wanted to make sure she didn’t run out.”

Hillary smiled. “How kind of you, Dr. Dalton.” she walked the few steps over and took the bottle from his hand. “She’s out with my brother right now but I’ll give them to her when she gets back.”

“I’m just happy that she’s feeling better.”

She placed the bottle down on the entry table. There was something about him. Something that drew her to him. Maybe it was his confidence. The way he was relaxed with her and seemingly not intimidated. “Can I ask you something?”

He shrugged. “Sure.”

“Do you always make house calls?” Wait. Was she flirting with him?

A devilish grin spread across his face. “Depends on the circumstances.”

She was standing close enough to him that the subtle scent of his cologne swept over her, further evoking tempting thoughts of him. “Good to know.”

“If you need a new doctor I would be more than happy to recommend a few for you.” he said. “From this area, of course. If you intend on staying here.”

“Yes, I do plan on staying here.” she indulged him with that much information. “And that would be very helpful, thank you.”

Dear God, everything about her was drawing him in. Slightly tousled blonde hair, perfect porcelain skin, bright expressive eyes. Not to mention the sway of her hips which was absolutely divine. “I hope you don’t find this…weird, but you’re so much shorter than I imagined you to be.”

Hillary laughed. “Sorry to disappoint you.”

“No, no, it’s not a disappointment.” he clarified. “It’s just that you’re this force of nature and now that I’ve see you in person a few times you’re…petite. I just wasn’t expecting it. And you’re incredibly beautiful, I mean, you are on television but even more so standing here.”

She was slightly taken aback by his compliment, but quickly recovered. “Thank you.”

“Sorry.” he apologized. The last thing he wanted to do was make her uncomfortable. “I just…It’s late. I should get going.”

“More house calls?”

“No.” he shook his head. “I don’t think I’ve ever been to a patient’s house before, now that I think about it.”

So there was an ulterior motive. He did want to see her. “Thank you for dropping off mom’s pills.”

“Yeah, absolutely.” he headed toward the door, her watching his retreating form. He reached for the knob and then turned back around. “Hillary?”

“Yes?” God, how she liked the way her name rolled off his lips. So natural. So sexy. Like it tasted sweet on his tongue.

“It was nice seeing you again.” he said. “Take care.”

She couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face. She was drawn to him there was no denying it. “You too, Dr. Dalton.”

He shook his head. “Hayden.”

“Hayden.” she repeated with a smile.

His name escaping her lips did something to him. Sparked something in him that he hadn’t felt in so long. Boosted his confidence. He found himself moving closer to her. “You have the most memorizing blue eyes.” he said, softly.

She unconsciously licked her lips. Her breath hitched a little. She felt like he was devouring her with his eyes. And she absolutely loved it. “Thank you.”

“Look, I know I’m out of line here…” he ruffled a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face. “You’re so sexy.” he was nearing closer to her, his thoughts no longer under his control. “Unbelievably sexy.”

“I haven’t felt that way since…in a while.” her voice was low and breathy and she didn’t even recognize it as her own. They were gravitating toward each other. It was magnetic.

He closed his eyes and took in a breath to steady himself but there was no use. “I think you need to be reminded.” They were only inches apart now. He could feel the warmth of her breath and it did him in. He cradled her cheek in his palm, his thumb stroking gently against the apple. Ever so slowly he lowered his lips down to hers, slow enough that she could have stopped him. But she didn’t.

Her lips parted just slightly against his. And he swept them up into an all-consuming kiss. His lips were soft and full against hers. Seeking and claiming every inch of her mouth in the most painfully slow and erotic way. Both of his hands were on her face now, pulling her closer before sinking into her silky hair. His tongue brushing against hers unleashed a passion that she had forgotten she possessed.

Her hands found purchase on his hips, holding him to her to prevent from collapsing under his delicious assault. And so she melted into the kiss, melted into him. Letting the fire radiate throughout her body as he kissed her breathless. Senseless.

Eyes still closed, lips slightly parted, sultry whimpers escaped her. The feel of him against her was too much. “I thought it was just me.”

He rested his forehead against hers. “No.” he exhaled. “I want you. I want you so much. From the first moment I laid eyes on you.” Hayden pulled back and tipped her chin up to look into her eyes. “You want me, too.” he dragged his thumb over her swollen bottom lip. “I know you do.” his hand slipped down her neck, his lips grazing her jawline. “Tell me, Hillary.” he murmured against her skin. “Tell me you want me.”

Her hand found its way into thick wavy locks, pulling him up to look at her. The lust that reflected in his eyes was too much. Her entire body was aflame. She could feel the swelling of arousal between her thighs, the wetness pooling. God, he was sexy. So incredibly sensual. “Hayden.” it came out as a plea.

“Yes, love?”

“Touch me.” she knew the words were wrong as soon as they left her mouth. But it did nothing at abate the desire he stirred within her.

He licked his lips, pulling his bottom one into his mouth with his tongue and biting down on it. Her words washed over him. “Where?” he rasped. “Where do you want me to touch you?”

“Everywhere.” She wanted, needed, to feel his lips on hers. Needed his touch, his body against hers.

He dipped his head, his hair slipping through her fingers. Warm lips met her flushed skin, just below her jawline. Open mouth kisses came in threes, the hint of his tongue tasting her before lightly sucking fair flesh between his lip only to release his hold and lave the entire area with the flat of his smooth tongue.

Her eyes closed and she let herself get lost in him. In the sensations he was creating inside of her. She pushed all other thoughts from her mind and focused on the pleasure. On the way he was making her feel. Sexy and desired. Something she hadn’t felt for months. And it was so damn good.

“Oh, Hayden.” It escaped her lips shamelessly. Wantonly. Needily.

The silk of her robe was pushed off her shoulder and his mouth connected with the newly exposed area. God how he wanted to drown in her. He hadn’t felt this way in years. Not since his wife died almost three years earlier. He bathed the curve of her neck with his mouth and lips and tongue. But he wanted more. So much more but he was afraid of hurting her. Of letting them fall into something they would both regret when the haze of lust settled.

The sounds she was making though. Damn. They were driving him crazy, spurring him on. Low breathy moans, little whines and whimpers poured from her parted lips. His name slipping between them like it was a lifeline.

Hillary opened her eyes when she felt his mouth abandon her. His hands cupped either side of her face. Their gazes locked together. “You want me to stop?”

“No.” she bridged the distance between their lips. Hungry kisses that left them both wanting so much more. How much more neither of them knew. Sometimes it was best to just let things play out.

Her arms encircled his waist and she pulled him closer against her. Close enough that she could feel his cock pressed to her, hard and straining against his trousers. The feel of him brought her to a higher place of arousal. One of burning need driven only by her body’s desire to be touch and be touched. “Please.” It was a breathless plea. For what she wasn’t sure.

Both of their hands went for the silk tie around her waist, she undid the knot and he wasted no time in divesting it from her body. Admiring every inch of skin it unveiled as it fell to the floor as a whisper. He was gifted with a sight far better than his imagination. She was all curves. Swells and dips and edges that dreams were made of.

“Dear God.” he groaned. “You’re gorgeous.” his eyes roved her body, taking in every inch of her. And the way the wisp of purple silk clung to her body made her even sexier. He tipped her chin up so that he could look into her eyes. “So damn sexy.”

His words washed over her, warm and thick. Her breathing quickened. “You make me feel sexy.” she told him. “I want you, Hayden.”

“Yeah?” his heart raced.

“Yeah.” she breathed out. “So much.”

His hands trailed down her body, stopping at the curve of her hips, gripping them tightly in his hands and lifting her onto the small entry table. The desire to be between her thighs was a battle that he could no longer fight. The mere feeling of having her legs on either side of him was enough to make a guttural groan escape his lips. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me.”

Hillary pushed her hips forward, into him. “Actually, I do.” she rasped. “You’re doing the same thing to me.”

He could barely keep it together. Her pushing her hips into him, the sexiness of her voice, the silk sliding up her thighs. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked, his fingertips caressing her smooth delicate skin as his hands reached higher and higher. “I don’t want to force you into….”

“Please.” she silenced him as she started unbuttoning his shirt. “I need this. I need you.” Her hands ran over the toned planes of his chest. He was just as she imagined him.

“Hillary, I…” God the last thing he wanted was for her to hate him after it was all over. For him to hate himself.

Her hands tugged at his belt and he couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t until the air caressed him that he could exhale. She looked down at the thick arousal she had uncovered and licked her lips. “Mmm.” she sighed, bringing her eyes up to meet his. “Impressive.” Her delicate fingers caressed his cock, slowly sliding up and down before letting her thumb brush over the already slick tip.

“For you.” he managed. “I want to make you feel good.”

“Oh, you definitely will.” her voice was low and seductive. “You already have.”

His hands pushed further up, until they came in contact with what he had been searched for. Lace. Wet lace. His knuckles brushed over her covered center and she visibly shivered, her grip on him growing tighter.

“Can I take these off?” he asked.

“Yes.”

Hayden hooked his fingers in the lace splayed across her hips and gently tugged. She lifted her bottom slightly and then slid them down her shapely legs and dropped them to the dark wooden floor. The thought of sinking into her was enough to make him throb in her hand.

Her eyes locked with his as she pushed his pants and boxers further down his thighs, granting her a little more skin. She reached for his thick length again, bringing him to her wet, warm, entrance. He gripped her hips in his palms and with all the patience he could muster, he slowly, inch by delicious inch, sunk into her awaiting depths.

Her sharp intake of breath mingled with his low exhale. And for a few moments they remained still. Her adjusting to him filling her and him adjusting to her being stretched around him. The forward shove of her hips gave him the signal he had been waiting for.

At first, they moved together slowly, an intense rocking motion as their hips met again and again. But as their confidence grew and their arousal's raced the movement became more deliberate. Longer more determined strokes followed, her pushing her hips to meet every one of his incredible thrusts. '

His open mouth hovered over hers, panting and whimpering, tongues occasionally sweeping together as their bodies moved to sate their needs. Needs which seemed to be growing by the moment.

“Oh, oh, oh.” she echoed. “Mmm. Yes! Right _there_. So good.”

“Here?” he could not stop the rising tempo of his hips if he wanted to. They were thrusting and rolling of their own accord, every stroke working to please her more.

“Yes!” she gasped, relishing in the way his body was worshiping hers so divinely and erotically.

Hayden pushed her back so that her head was against the wall, her hips angling down on his in a way they weren’t before, allowing him to slid deeper inside of her. Sweat coated his chest. “Oh, baby.” he grunted. “You feel amazing.” He threw his head back, hips pumping harder as he held her waist, helping her to move against him. “Tight and hot and wet.” He bit down on his bottom lip. Sexy groans echoing from the very back of his throat.

“Oh, fuck!” her head hit the back of the wall with every single thrust.

The moment the expletive slipped through her lips he felt himself swell even more inside of her. Never in his wildest imagination would he have ever thought something like this could have happened between them. Something so raw and lust filled yet incredibly breathtaking.

He leaned forward, his right hand yanking the fallen strap of her nightie even further until her breast spilled out. Soft and round, dusky pink nipple begging for his attention. His wet tongue swirled around it, the tip flicking over it as her moans got higher and louder.

“So close.” she rasped.

He looked up at her, his lips never leaving her nipple. Instead he sucked it into his warm mouth. The harder he sucked the louder she panted, the tighter she became around him. He hoped against hope that he could wait for her. That he wouldn’t come before she did. She began to roll her hips against him, seeking out as much friction as she could against her swollen clit.

Hayden abandoned her nipple in exchange for her mouth, his lips desperately seeking out hers. Her tongue stroked against before she broke away, moaning as she felt her body starting to unravel. He grabbed her hips tightly, pulling her down onto him so that the roll of her hips rubbed against his pelvis in time with his thrusts. “Tell me what you need.” he said, looking into her eyes.

“You.” she whimpered. “Please don’t stop.”

Every roll of her hips had him holding his breath. Silky walls were tightening around him, making him throb even harder. He wasn’t going to last much longer. “That’s it, Hillary.” he encouraged. “Come for me.”

Her eyes slammed shut and she let go. She was coming completely undone. Inner walls clenching tightly around him in waves, pulling him in deeper as her body writhed against his. Everything was blindingly white. It robbed her of her breath, her ability to even move, all she could do was sob out in absolute ecstasy. “Oh, Hayden!” she cried. “Hayden.”

“Mmm, Hillary.” he rasped, her walls were gripping him to the point of insanity. He couldn’t take it. His cock throbbed and began jerking as spurt after spurt of come rushed out of him and spilled deep inside of her. He collapsed against her, trying and failing to catch his breath.

“You okay?” he asked, pulling back to look at her. Because he sure as hell wasn’t.

“I…uh…I.” she stammered over her words, suddenly feeling exposed. “That was unexpected.”

“Very.” he agreed, pulling back from her, his softening cock sliding from her body, wetness dispersing between them. He bent down to pick up the panties from the floor at an attempt to clean her up, but suddenly it felt too intimate. Instead he simply handed them over to her.

“Thank you.” she wiped at the evidence of their coupling and then quickly tugged her nightgown back down.

Hayden had tucked himself back in his pants, zipping them up and buckling his belt. “Here let me help you.” his hands went to her hips to help her down off the table, but she pushed him away.

“I’ve got it.” she was on absolute edge. “I’m fine.” It was a lie. She wasn’t entire sure she could stand on her own two feet at the given moment.

He hastily buttoned up his shirt and then reached down, retrieving her discarded robe from the floor. He placed it in her hands. “Hillary…”

“You should go.” she replied. Her robe in one hand and her wet panties in the other. “I have a full day ahead of me tomorrow and I’m sure you do as well.” The need to be alone was overwhelming. She did not want to cry. Not in front of him.

God! What had she done? This wasn’t her at all. She did not do things like this. Her divorce wasn’t even final and wouldn’t be for months. And she had never, ever, been with anyone else but her husband since they started dating. And now she had fucked her mother’s doctor in the foyer of her new home. In a place that was supposed to be her new start.

“I’ll let myself out.” he said, heading toward the door.

“Goodbye, Dr. Dalton.”

He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “Goodnight, Mrs. Clinton.”

The moment the door closed behind him Hillary made a mad dash for her bedroom. Once she was safely ensconced in her room she broke down into uncontrollable sobs. Letting absolutely everything pour out of her as she cried into the pillows on her bed.

 

Tbc…


	3. Chapter 3

Let Me Love the Lonely

 

Secret Service swept through Dr. Hayden Dalton’s private office and then allowed Hillary to enter. His secretary told her that he would be in shortly. He was finishing up his rounds. She shrugged off her coat and laid it over the back of the chair across from his desk before sitting down. 

It had been almost a month since their…tryst? Maybe that wasn’t the right word. But she still didn’t know what to call what happened between them. And since then she had gone through a variety of emotions. Disappointment in herself being the first and foremost. Carelessly letting her body overrule her mind wasn’t something she was proud of. Anger came next. Remorse followed. Guilt nearly ate her alive. 

After she grieved her sins she was left with only one thing. A longing for him. He made her feel sexy and desired and beautiful. Worthy. All the self-doubt she had been filled with the past several months was starting to ebb. Her confidence had been boosted and her ego pleasurably awakened. 

And so she found herself waiting in his office. For what exactly she wasn’t sure. Maybe to apologize and maybe to thank him. And maybe, just maybe, to test the waters. To see if they were still as scolding hot. It would either be a balm to her burns or she would go up in flames. Problem was she didn’t know which one scared her more. 

Hillary looked around the room. The walls were painted a warm blue and several degrees hung on the wall behind his desk. Tall bookshelves overflowed and pictures of him in various stages of his life and career were peppered everywhere. She got up from the chair and looked closer at the images. 

But it was the pictures on his desk that caught her attention. A picture of two boys, a toddler and a child around ten or so, with a beautiful brunette. They were walking along a shoreline. And suddenly Hillary’s stomach flip-flopped and her heart sank. That was Hayden’s family. He was married. He had children, young children. And they had cheated. She was now the other woman. 

“Mrs. Clinton?” Hayden closed the door behind himself. “What are you doing here?”

“I uh…I have to go.” she sat the picture back down on his desk. “I shouldn’t be here. This was a mistake.” She came around the side of the desk and went for her coat. “A huge mistake. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, wait!” he grabbed her hand, getting her attention. “What’s going on?”

Hillary blew out a heavy breath and raised her eyes to meet his. “What’s going on?” she repeated. “You’re married.” she could barely get the word out. “How could you? How could you do that to your wife? To your children? To me? After all the shit I’ve been through the last seven months…”

“You’ve got it all wrong!” he challenged back. “If you would just calm down I’ll explain everything.”

“Explain?” she questioned. “You’ll explain everything? Oh, I bet you will! I bet you can lie your way out of things with the best of them!”

“Would you calm down a moment?” he placed his hands on her shoulders. “Give me a chance to talk?”

She wrenched out of his hands. “So I can be lied to? I’ve had enough of that to last me my entire life!”

“I’m not going to lie to you.” he told her. “If you’ll just let me explain.”

Hillary huffed. “Fine.” she relented. “Go ahead. Tell me how it was all a mistake and that you’re sorry. Tell me how you never meant for it to happen and that you wish you could take it all back.” she was seething. And even more so at the fact that she felt like she couldn’t read him at all. “Or am I wrong? Is your pride bursting at the seams? Did fucking the First Lady so easily boost your ego?”

Hayden’s lopsided smile never left his face. “Are you finished?” he asked, calmly. 

“Yes!” she headed toward the door. “Quite!”

“It’s not what you think, Hillary!”

She took a deep breath. “Of course it’s not.” she huffed. “It never is!”

He grabbed her by the arm and flipped her around, her back making solid contact with the heavy door. Before she could protest his mouth was on hers. His lips moving against hers, smooth tongue parting her lips and brushing erotically against hers. 

She felt herself giving in. Her mind shutting down and her body taking over. She was melting against him. Into him. Her mouth welcomed the invasion and strived to dominate the escalating kiss. Finally, she pulled back swollen lipped and panting.

He placed his hands on either side of her against the door. “Now does that feel like a mistake?” he asked. “Because it felt pretty damn good to me.”

Her hands came to his chest and she shoved him away from her, hard. “Get off me!"

“You’re even sexier when you’re mad.”

“Fuck you!”

“Hmm, you already have.”

Hillary gasped. “Goodbye, Dr. Dalton.” she turned around and reached for the doorknob. 

“Grace.” he said.

“What?” she asked, whipping back around.

“Grace.” he repeated. “My wife.”

“Hayden…”

He took a few steps toward her. “It’s been almost three years now.” he said, softly. “Ovarian cancer.” he stilled choked on the words. “It all happened so quickly.”

Her eyes met his and her expression fell. Her anger had morphed into despair. He was a widower and she had just accused him of cheating. She jumped to conclusions without giving him to opportunity to explain. The weight of his words was overwhelming, hitting her hard in the gut, and she burst into tears.

“Hey, hey, hey.” he soothed. “It’s okay, don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry.” her voice was thick and strained. “I’m so sorry, Hayden.”

He stepped closer to her. “Thank you.” he tentatively reached up to wipe her tears away. The pads of his thumbs sweeping over her prominent cheekbones. “Please, don’t cry.” he insisted. “You didn’t know. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” she whispered. “I was being incredibly selfish.”

“I would venture to say that the last thing you are is selfish.” he countered. “Selfless maybe.”

She couldn’t help the smirk that pulled at her lips. “That’s right, Hillary the Martyr.”

Hayden laughed. “Now, see there’s a bit of a smile.”

“I feel terrible.”

He leaned in and pressed a kiss between her brows. “Don’t.” he said, simply. “I made the First Lady cry, I’m the one who feels terrible.”

Hillary rested her forehead against his cheek. She found herself comfortable with him. “How about we call it even?”

“Deal.” he wrapped his arms around her back, pulling her closer to him. The very scent of her was intoxicating. “I’m glad you stopped by.”

“Yeah?” 

“I was worried about you.” he confessed. “But I wasn’t sure how to fix it. I didn’t want to upset you or anger you. Make things worse.”

Hillary pulled back to look at him. “I wanted to see you.” she admitted. “I really didn’t have any ulterior motives coming here.”

“You have been thinking about me.”'

“I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t been.”

He cupped her face in his hands. “I’m glad you’re here.” he admitted. “What can I do to prove to you that you haven’t made a mistake?”

“I don’t think I’ve made a mistake.” she confessed. “Other than not hearing you out.”

“No?” he let his hands slid down her neck and come to rest on her shoulders. 

Hillary drew her bottom lip into her mouth and bit down on it slightly. She gently shook her head. “I really like you, Hayden.” she admitted. “I just want you to know that I don’t do things like…”

“Have hot sex in the middle of your foyer with a man you barely know?”

She chuckled. “Exactly.”

“Well, I don’t seduce my patient’s daughters either.” he said. “It was never my intention.”

Hillary arched her eyebrow, playfully. “You mean you didn’t want to see me?”

“Oh, no, I definitely wanted to see you.” he confessed. “I was trying to work up the courage to ask you out for a cup of coffee or something. Thought maybe we could be friends.”

“Friends?” she teased. “Is that how you make friends?”

Hayden flushed. “No, not usually.”

A smile played on her lips. “Hmm that’s good to know.”

“God, I really want to kiss you right now.”

“What’s stopping you?” she reached up and brushed a stray lock of hair back away from his forehead. 

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop.”

“I guess that’s a risk you have to be willing to take.”

Hayden seemed to hesitate and silence lingered between them for several long moments. A smile slowly crept across his face and he leaned in closer. He cupped her face in his hands. “Did you really think I was going to be able to resist?”

“I had hoped not.” she shortened the distance between their mouths. “It’s not nice to keep a lady waiting.”

His mouth descended onto hers, tasting and teasing her lips. He pulled a plump bottom lip between his, parting her mouth and then swept his tongue over hers inciting an erotic battle of giving and taking. One that neither one would ever give in to. 

Hillary took a few steps back until she was against the door and pulled Hayden even tighter against her. Lacing her arms around his neck and pulling him into another scorching kiss. She couldn’t seem to get enough of him. The feeling both thrilled her and terrified her. 

He groaned into her mouth. God, how he loved the feel of her pressed against him. She was all curves. Forbidden and tempting. He was dazzled by her, completely captivated. His hands skimmed down her sides until he gripped her hips roughly and flipped her around to face the door. 

Before she could protest he was placing wet opened mouth kisses against her neck, bathing the curve with the flat of his tongue. His hand shifted from her hip to her lower abdomen, pulling her flush against him. 

Her palms pressed against the door and she let him completely take over. Not that she had a choice. He had rendered her speechless, motionless, breathless as he found the little spot between her neck and shoulder that drove her wild. “Mmm.” she drew out. “Feels so…oh...yes.”

Hayden hummed against her skin and the reverberation went straight to her core, settling hot and heavy between her thighs. 

“Oh, God!” she panted, gently rocking her hips against him. “Please don’t start something you can’t finish.”

Soft lips kissed up her neck to her ear. He licked over the shell and then let his warm breath cascade over it, setting her more aflame than before. So much more she visibly shivered. “I can make you feel good, Ms. Rodham.” he promised. “Will you let me?”

“Hayden.” there was a desperation in her voice that surprised her. One of that remembered what his hands felt like on her. His skin against hers. Their bodies moving together in perfect tandem. 

“Come here, love.” he pulled at her hips and guided her toward the sofa. It was his intention to lay her down but she had far better ideas. With a shove of her hands Hayden was looking up at her from the sofa. He licked his lips in anticipation. “I like where this is going.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” he smiled. “Most definitely.” His eyes raked over her body, drinking her in, before raising to meet hers. “Take your panties off for me.”

Hillary arched an eyebrow, her lips curving upward. “Why?”

“So I can make you come.”

She whimpered at the thought. 

“See, you need it. I know you do.” he husked. “Come on, take them off so I can feel how wet I’ve made you.”

“You’re a smug bastard.”

“It’s not smug if you’re right.” he stated. “And I know I am.”

God, he was sexy! And confident. And he made her feel sexy and confident. Slowly she pushed her hands up under the flared skirt and then slowly dragged the pale lace down her thighs and legs. Black heels carefully stepped out of them and Hillary moved forward onto the couch, straddling his thighs. 

His cupped her face and pulled her down for a kiss. Slow and sensual. His teeth nipping at her full bottom lip as he pulled away. His hands slid from her knees, up her thighs, until her skirt was bunched up around her waist. Fingertips caressing the soft bare skin at her hips. 

Hillary drew in a shaky breath and exhaled with a content sigh. It felt good. He felt good. His hands caressing her, his eyes looking into hers. And whilst it still didn’t feel right it sure as hell didn’t feel wrong. That was most definitely a step in the right direction. 

“You’re beautiful.” he husked. “Sexy as hell.”

Hillary reached for his hand, guiding up her thighs. “Shall we test your theory?” she pressed his fingers against her core. Warm and wet and wanton. 

Hayden licked his lips. “Damn.” he swallowed, hard. “We need to take care of this.”

“You’re the doctor, you take care of it.” Her hand fell away and she let him take over. 

His fingers were skilled, their movements deliberate and determined yet soft. He pressed through the abundant wetness, over swollen lips, and sunk down into velvety warmth. Surrendering his sanity and her decorum in one fell swoop.

She cried out, unabashed. “Hayden.”

“Mmm, Hillary.” he hummed. “Feels good, doesn’t it?” his fingers thrust in deep and then pulled almost completely out before slowly pushing in again. He studied her face. The letdown of her breath as he pulled out and the intake as he pushed knuckle deep inside of her. 

“More.” she panted.

He curled his fingers up, caressing her g-spot. The movement was rough but felt so fucking good. “Better?” he brought his thumb to her clit, lightly brushing over the hardened nub as his fingers curled deeper inside of her. 

“You’re going to make me come.”

“That’s what I want.” he husked. “You’re so beautiful when you come. I want to feel you around me fingers. Let go for me, love.”

“Oh.” she whimpered. “Hayden, please….”

He could feel her starting to tighten around him. “That’s it.” he encouraged. “Come for me.”

“Oh my God!” she rasped. 

Her hips bucked forward, she arched her back, and held her breath to keep from screaming out. Her brows knitted together and she came. Quick and hot and hard. Her eyes slammed shut and blackness enveloped her as her body convulsed around his fingers, violently gripping them until the contractions of her orgasm lessened. 

Hillary came down from her high with quaking breath. She couldn’t ever remember coming so quickly. She leaned forward, into him, resting her head against his shoulder as she tried to steady her breathing. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure.” His hands stroked up and down her back. “I like making you feel good.”

“Really good.” 

He pressed a kiss into her hair. “Will you go out with me?”

Hillary pulled back to look at him. “What did you have in mind?”

“Dinner.” he said, looking into her dark blue eyes. “I like you, Hillary. I want to get to know you. The real you, not the public persona.”

“I’d like that.” she smiled. “But we’ll have to do it at my house. Security and the press can sometimes spoil the mood.”

“I’m more than content with being alone with you.” he said. “I would actually prefer it.”

Hillary smirked. “Oh, I’m sure you would.”

He skimmed his fingertips along her jawline. “So sexy.” he bit down on his bottom lip as he drank her in. “No more sex until we talk though. I want to know real things about you and I want you to know things about me.”

“You’ve got yourself a date.” she said. “As for the no sex thing…that sounds like a loss for everyone.”

Hayden cupped her face in his hands and pulled her down for a kiss. “Then talk quickly.” 

Hillary placed her hand on his forearms. “I want to know about you. And your children.”

“You will.” he promised. 

She leaned in and captured his lips in a soft kiss. “I should go.” she said. “I have a State dinner to plan.”

“Duty calls.”

“I’m free Sunday evening.”

“So am I.” he smiled. “How’s that for fate.”

“Pretty damn good.” she eased back and he helped her as she rose to her feet. She glanced down at his scrubs. “I hope you have a change of clothes.”

Hayden’s eyes followed hers. “I told you I would make you come so good.”

Hillary laughed. “You were true to your word.”

He picked her panties up from the floor. “Wouldn’t want you to forget these.”

She glanced at the lace hanging off his fingertips. “Keep them.” she smiled, devilishly. “They might come in handy. Sunday is four days away.”

Hayden smiled and shook his head. “You are incorrigible.”

 

tbc…


	4. Chapter 4

Let Me Love the Lonely

 

 

Hayden removed his scarf and coat revealing a soft grey long sleeved t-shirt that showed off the definition in his chest and arms. And a pair of dark broken in jeans. He was so completely different from what Hillary was used to. And that wasn’t a bad thing. Comparing him to her husband wasn’t something she wanted to get in the habit of. Hayden was his own person and she wanted to keep it that way. 

“Did the snow give you any trouble?”

“None.” he said, sitting down on the chair and slipping off his boots. “Roads are clear.”

“I could have sent an agent out for you.”

He shook his head. “Not necessary. I grew up in New York, I’m used to it.” he said, looking up at her. “Besides I couldn’t break our date.”

A lock of hair fell out of place and she immediately reached out, pushing it back. It was always that one piece and she found it absolutely endearing. “The groceries you requested are in the kitchen.”

Hayden stood up. “Still haven’t figured out what I’m going to make, have you?”

“No.” she replied. 

“I promise you won’t be disappointed.”

“I better not be.”

“Come here, love.” he reached for her waist. “How about a proper hello?”

Her hands immediately went to the planes of his chest. She loved the feel of the tautness beneath her fingertips. “What do you consider proper?”

His opposite hand pressed into her small of her back. “A lingering kiss. Slow and sensual. Open mouth, no tongue.”

She chuckled. “That’s very specific.”

“It’s been my experience that details matter.”

Hillary closed in the distance between them, her lips tentatively touching against his. Her open mouth covered his bottom lip, pulling it into her mouth and then slowly releasing it. The process was repeated several times over before she eased back. “How was that?”

“You’re a quick study.”

“So I’ve been told.”

He reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together. “Let’s see if that goes for the kitchen as well.”

“I think you may be disappointed.” she started leading him down the long hallway. “My culinary skills are very limited.”

“You just need the right teacher.”

////

Hillary had opened a bottle of red wine and poured two generous glasses Everything had been washed and laid out in their appropriate spots. She watched as Hayden made his way around the kitchen, discovering where various things were stashed until he had everything he needed. 

Hillary raised her glass to her lips and took a sip. “I think you’re incredibly sexy.”

Hayden looked up from his task of chopping mushrooms. “Are you trying to make me cut myself?”

“You’re a skilled surgeon you should be accustomed to working under pressure.” she teased. “A simple thank you would have sufficed.”

“Thank you.” he blushed as he focused his attention back on his task. “Would you like to help?”

She took another hearty drink of red. “No, I’m good.”

“Come over here.” he said. “I’ll show you a few tips.”

“I can watch you just fine from here.”

He reached over for her hand. “Come here, love.” he pulled her around the island and toward him. “You’ll never learn if you don’t try.”

She sat her wine glass down and let him guide her over to the where the cutting board was situated. “It’s not that I can’t cook, you know, it’s just that I haven’t had the opportunity in quite a while.”

“Well let’s remedy that.” he moved behind her, his hips brushing against her bottom. “Try not to think of it as a chore. Now, pick up the knife and show me how to slice the pepper.”

Hillary did as instructed. “See, I’m perfectly capable.”

“Let’s try again.” his hand covered hers. “Nice and light, like a paint brush, your movements are too harsh.”

“Says the surgeon.”

Hayden smiled, moving in closer to her. He helped her slice the pepper into thin strips. “See it’s all in the movement of the wrist.” he told her. “It’s not about speed, it’s about precision.”

Warm breath sailed over her neck and she fought to keep from shuddering. There was something about this man that had her on absolute edge by just being in his presence. “Okay, I can do it.” she sliced the vegetable just as he had instructed. “Better?”

His hands anchored themselves on her hips. “Mmm.” he hummed. “Very good.”

“I guess I am a quick study.”

He dropped a kiss against the curve of her neck. “Indeed.”

Hillary drew in a shaky breath, the feel of his lips on her. “Hayden?”

“Yes, love?”

“What are we making?”

“Lasagna.” he whispered against her ear. “You are hungry, aren’t you?”

She swallowed, hard. “Oh, you have no idea.”

“Patience, Ms. Rodham.” he teased. “We’ve not even finished prepping.”

“I knew we should have ordered in.”

////

They sat on the barstools at the large island, making their way through a bottle of red wine as their dinner baked. Hillary traced her finger around the brim of her glass. “Tell me about Grace.” she said, softly. “What was she like?”

Hayden smiled wistfully as memories flooded back to him. “Spontaneous and carefree. Never backed down from a challenge and I don’t think she was ever scared of anything. She was a photographer and she could find beauty in absolutely anything. Even in devastation and war zones. She could capture so much in just one still shot.”

“Did she take the photos in your office?”

“Yes.” he replied. “I did doctors without borders for about five years and she came with me. It changed her, challenged her. When we returned taking wedding photos and family portraits no longer sated her passion. She wanted to capture people, real moments. It was her entire life until Noah came along.”

“Your oldest?”

“Yes.” he nodded. “Just turned fifteen. And he knows absolutely everything and challenges everything just because he can. He gets that from Grace. He’s like her in so many ways, good and bad.” he chuckled. “Keeps her memory alive.”

“And your youngest son?”

“Benjamin. He’s six. And a half. The half is very important to him.”

Hillary smiled. “I remember those days with Chelsea. So quick to grow up.”

“If they only knew.” he shook his head. “He’s a burst of energy. Goes non-stop from the moment he wakes up to the moment he crashes at night. He was a surprise and he’s never stopped earning that title. He’s one of the reason’s I kept going after she died. I had a three year old who needed me. And he didn’t understand what was happening or why. I just couldn’t let him down.”

Tears stung her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Hayden.”

“Grace believed that life was a gift.” he said. “That everyone had a marked time on earth and that you had to live life to the fullest. And that’s what she did. She accepted her diagnosis and I rebelled against it. Called in very favor I ever had. I didn’t want to lose her, but she didn’t want to suffer. In the end she won out. I stopped trying to fix everything and just existed with her.”

“I can’t imagine.” she blinked back tears. “She sounds lovely.”

“She was.” he affirmed. “She was also stubborn and infuriating and determined. Loving her was all consuming and losing her, just as much. I’ve tried to hang on to the things she taught me, to the things she held dear. Making the little things count, finding beauty, appreciating the present.”

Tears spilled down her cheeks. This man was more than the sum of his degrees. He was kind and caring and loving. And he had been hurt. Differently than she had been, but still he had been torn apart and was still being put back together. “Do you believe that time heals all wounds?”

He leaned over and brushed the back of his fingers over her cheeks, wiping the tears away. “I believe it lessens the pain sometimes.” he rasped. “I think that we just find a way to live with it. Some days hurt more than others. Some days it feels like she’s been gone a long time. Other days, feels like yesterday. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself and that’s the hardest part. We hold ourselves accountable for so much, even when it’s out of our control.”

Hillary took his hand in hers and brought it up to her lips, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. “Thank you for sharing that with me.” she said. “I know it wasn’t easy.”

“Well, I really like you, Hillary.” he confessed. “And the last thing I want is for you to feel like this is purely physical. Because when I look at you, I see so much. I don’t want to scare you, I just want to get to know you. I want to know how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking. Your experience may be different than mine but that doesn’t make it any less painful.”

“You lost a wife though, Hayden, that’s different.”

“And you’re losing a husband.” he countered. “Loss is loss. Look, I understand if you don’t feel comfortable talking about it and that’s fine…”

“No.” she interjected. “I need to talk about it, it helps.”

“Okay.” he nodded. “You can tell me as much or as little about you and the President as you would like.”

Hillary gently shook her head. “Bill.” she corrected him. “The President wasn’t in my marriage, just Bill.”

“Bill.” he repeated. “Tell me about the two of you.”

“We met in college, Yale.” she started. “He’s one of the greatest men I’ve ever known. He has a drive and a passion that leads him to accomplish great things. A natural politician. I fell in love with him so fast. And so hard. He’s a good man. But he’s flawed. Sometimes immensely. He acts on impulse when he’s pressured and he can’t see the consequences in front of him. I’m not making excuses for him in the least. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened but it is the last. I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t.”

“It’s okay, I’m here and I’m not going to judge you.”

Hillary nodded before continuing. “I tried.” she confessed. “I tried so hard and I kept pushing myself thinking that he would change, that he could change. We had so many hopes and dreams and I thought that if we made it this far, all the way to the Presidency, that he would feel accomplished. Worthy. I keep looking for the next magical cure for his ailment. I can’t find it. It wasn’t being Attorney General of Arkansas. It wasn’t marriage. It wasn’t a child. It being Governor and it’s not being President of the United States.”

“You haven’t failed.” And those were the reaffirming words that she truly needed to hear. “Sometimes we give it all we have and things still don’t work out. It doesn’t mean we’ve failed. It means we’ve tried our best and we come away not wondering what if.”

“I’ve never doubted his love. Not once in all these years. In all these incredibly painful fuckups.” she confessed. “Bill had a horrible childhood, he endured so much at such a young age. Things no one should ever have to go through. And he’s still paying the price. I don’t know if he’ll ever stop paying. Now I feel like I’ve failed him too, but I just can’t do it anymore. It hurts too much.”

Hayden got up off the barstool and pulled her up and into his arms. He held her close as she cried into his chest, stroking her hair and pressing kisses against her temple. “It’s okay to let it hurt.” he whispered. “It’s the best way to heal. Cleansing the wound is the most important part. Then it’ll scab over and eventually you’ll have a faded scar.”

Hillary looked up at him, her eyes glassy from crying. “Spoken like a doctor.” A smile pulled at her lips. 

“It’s my area of expertise.” he returned her smile. “But a good analogy nonetheless.”

“Ugh, we’re a sad mess, aren’t we?”

“Evenly matched I’m afraid.” he confirmed. “Let’s dry those tears and get this lasagna out of the oven, hmm?”

/////

Hayden leaned up against entry from the living room to the foyer. “Tell me again how that was the best lasagna you ever had.”

“I think you’re just looking to have your ego stroked.”

“Mmm.” he sighed, reaching out for the loop in her jeans and pulling her to him. “Compliments build character.”

Hillary instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck. “Your lasagna was incredible.” she smirked. “You were right the fresh noodles made a world of difference.”

“I was just try to impress you. Get you addicted to my cooking so you’ll keep coming back for more.”

“Well, mission accomplished.”

“Does this mean you’ll see me again?”

Hillary smiled. “Oh, I think there’s a really good chance of that.”

“And you’ll call me?”

“Absolutely.”

“May I kiss you goodnight?”

“I would be highly disappointed if you didn’t at least try.”

Hayden dipped his head down until their lips met. A languid, liquid, lingering kiss. It was thorough and varied from hot and heavy to tender and almost teasing. Full of passion and sensuality that neither of them ever expected to experience again. And that in itself was scary. But something they were going to allow to take its course. 

“I should probably go.” he eased back. “If not there’s no telling what may happen. We should probably pace ourselves a little.”

“We should.” she agreed. “I know we’ve already…and it was amazing…but I think I would prefer slower.”

Hayden stole another quick kiss. “Just think next time it could be even better.”

Hillary took a deep and steadying breath. “Okay, you need to go.” she smiled as she pulled away. “You’re far too tempting.”

“You’re killing me.” he said, reaching for the doorknob. “You better call me. I’ll be waiting with baited breath.”

She laughed. “Go!”

“Goodnight, love.”

 

tbc….


	5. Chapter 5

Let Me Love the Lonely

June 1999

 

They had made it through another State dinner. She sat next to him, helped him charm the attendees. Made polite conversation and smiled for the cameras. The charade was getting easier. They were making peace with the decision that was ultimately hers. And they were coming to terms with the fact that in a few months they would be divorced.

They sat opposite each other in the living room. Formal wear long gone and pajamas in place. He had been quiet since they retired to the residence. “You know, just because our marriage is ending doesn’t mean our conversation has to.” she told him. “I still love and respect you, Bill.”

He downed the contents of his tumbler. “I love you, too, Hillary.” he sighed. “I’ve always loved you even when it may have seemed like I didn’t.” Bill sat his glass down on the coffee table. “Are we going to be okay?” he asked, tentatively. “Am I going to be okay?”

Hillary nodded. “With time.”

“I just want you to be happy.” he reached for her hand. “You deserve so much better.”

“It’s not about deserving, Bill.” she whispered. “It’s about living and being happy. And not having to feel like this ever again.”

“I’m sorry.” he cried. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know you are.”

He cupped her face in his hands. “I hope someday you can forgive me.” he husked. “Fully. For everything I’ve done and everything I’ve put you through.”

“I hope so too, Bill.” she rasped. “It’s going to take time.”

“Just be happy.” he leaned in and kissed her lips. A mistake, but one that neither one of them could stop. It started out soft and slow. A quiet exploration of each other. He was delicate in his touches and in return she was lazily content just drowning in him. Allowing themselves to feel something that they hadn’t felt in so long. Her arms draped around his neck, his hands on her face. It was the most natural thing in the entire world.

Hillary’s mouth opened wider, Bill’s tongue expertly swept through massaging his tongue against hers. Sweet moans poured from her lips and she could feel his body pressing into hers. He was between her thighs now, her short robe and nightgown up around her waist. His clothed arousal pressed against her inner thigh. Warm wet mouth began to lave the side of her neck.

“Hillary.” he murmured against her skin. “You feel so good.”

The whimpers pouring from her mouth were divine. Her hips seeking out his. They were completely lost in their exploration of each other. “ _Oh, God_!”

“I’ve missed you.” he rolled his hips against her. “I want you so much.”

Everything in her body was on fire. Her legs spread wider apart and he immediately rocked harder against her. The sensations were overwhelming. “Bill..I…”

His mouth trailed down her chest down to her silk covered breasts. “Yes baby?”

“We can’t.” her back arched into him. He always, always knew just how to touch her.

“We can.” His tongue circled a tight, silk covered nipple.

Hillary finally found her inner strength. “No!” she said, pushing against him. “I can’t. I can’t do this with you. I can’t do this to… _him_.” the last word came out as a whisper.

“Him?” he quickly pulled back from her, sitting up on the opposite side of the sofa. “What the fuck, Hillary? Him?”

She pushed herself up to a sitting position on the sofa and buried her face in her hands. She tried her hardest to hold back her tears. Tears of hurt and heartbreak and guilt.  
Everything from the past ten months rained down on her so heavily that the dam burst and she let out a gut-wrenching sob. “I’m sorry, Bill.” she cried. “I’m so sorry.”

“What happened?” he asked, trying to control his temper and the sound of his voice. “Why are you sorry? Why are you apologizing?”

The sobs continued to rip through her. Everything was so raw. And everything hurt so much. Their divorce was almost final. And Hayden. The man who had been patient and loving. The man who she never expected to come into her life at such a crucial crossroads. She looked over at Bill, fresh tears still streaming down her face.

Bill damn near crumpled at the sight of her. So completely devastated. And he was the cause. He was always the cause. “What’s going on?” he asked, softly. “You said him. Are you seeing someone?”

Hillary swallowed hard. “Hayden.” she said, thickly. “He’s mom’s cardiologist.”

“I see.” he nodded, the confession had taken his breath.

“I didn’t mean…I never…I wasn’t looking…”

“Hillary.” he interjected. “It’s okay. You don’t owe me an explanation. You don’t owe me anything.”

“But I want to tell you.” she wiped at her eyes. “I’ve wanted to tell you. I just didn’t know how.”

Bill took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “I’m sorry. You should have felt you could have come to me. I made this huge mistake and you’re still the one suffering and that’s not right. That’s not fair. You have every right to be happy and if this doctor makes you happy then let him.”

“I didn’t do this to hurt you.” she said, firmly. “This isn’t about revenge in any way.”

He gently stroked her hair. “I know that.” he said, softly. “That’s not your style. Even after everything I’ve done, everything I’ve put you through over the years, you would be more than justified.”

“I never did. I never could.” she replied. “Even after everything now, the divorce proceedings, I still feel incredibly guilty about Hayden. I have from the start.”

“You’ve nothing to feel guilty over.” he assured her. “Nothing. And especially not if this man makes you happy. You deserve to be happy, Hillary. Do not push him away because of guilt you shouldn’t feel.”

She nodded. “I’ve been seeing him for a while.” she confessed. “Since March.” She had bought the house in Chappaqua in November and officially vacated the White House at the beginning of the year. “At first I just thought it was a fling, but it’s evolved.”

Bill choked back his tears, his broken heart. “Do you love him?”

“I still love you.”

He shook his head. “That’s not what I asked. Do you love him?”

“I think I might.” her reply was barely over a whisper.

“I want you to be happy, Hillary.” he told her. “You deserve to be happy. You deserve someone to love you better than I…better than I have.”

“I’ve never doubted that you love me. Not ever.”

Bill nodded, wiping his eyes. “This is incredibly hard, I’m not going to lie about that. I would give absolutely anything not to lose you, but I know that I have to let you go. It’s the only way we’re going to be able to heal.”

She took a steadying breath. “You’re not going to lose me completely. You’re still my child’s father. And I’m still your First Lady. I intend to carry out those duties until you leave office.”

“That’s far more than I deserve.”

“You know you did deserve me, Bill.” she told him. “You deserved the governorship and this presidency. All your hard work, all your dedication to the people. You’re a good man. Flawed, but aren’t we all? What you did not deserve was Virginia and Roger’s abuse. And that’s what you need to work through in your therapy. As much as it hurts you need to admit that Virginia is a huge part of the equation.”

“I know.” he rasped. “All I ever wanted to do was make her happy, to make her proud.”

Hillary nodded. “You have to work through all of this, make peace with it. Let the past go. Forgive yourself for the things that were never in your control. I think it’s an important part of your healing.”

“I’m trying, Hillary. I really am.” he confessed. “I’ve been meeting with Max several times a week. I haven’t stopped since you…went to New York.”

“That’s good.” she encouraged. “I’m really proud of you. I hope you’re able to work through all your…demons. I want you to be well, Bill. I want to you be happy and fulfilled. Proud of the man you see when you look in the mirror.”

“I wish I would have done this sooner.”

Hillary looked away. “Well the important thing is that you’re doing it now.”

“I know that’s it’s too late for us. And I would never ask you to stay….” he started. “I’m just sorry I didn’t have the courage to do this before.”

“You need to be a better man for yourself.” she said, firmly. “Work on yourself first and then hopefully this won’t happen in your next relationship.”

Next relationship. That hit him like a ton of bricks. That was it. They were over. And he didn’t know how to let go. How to disengage himself from someone he had spent the better part of the last thirty years with. “What’s Hayden like?”

Hillary shook her head. “We really shouldn’t do this, Bill.”

“No, it’s okay.” he tried to assure her. “I just want to know some generic things about him. Nothing intimate. You said he was Dorothy’s cardiologist?”

“Yes.” she replied. “He’s actually the Chief of Staff.”

Bill nodded. “Does he have children?”

“Two boys.” she answered. “Noah is fifteen and Benjy is six. I haven’t met them yet. It’s too soon and we want to wait until…” she let her voice trail off.

“He’s divorced?”

“Widower.” she said. “Grace died of ovarian cancer in ninety-six.”

He digested the information. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her to be happy. It was just that he was caught off guard by it all. And even though she tried to hide it, tried to downplay it, he could see it in her eyes. The light, the spark, the look of being content. “You’re happy.” It wasn’t a question.

“I am.” she confirmed.

“Well then so am I.” he smiled, weakly.

“Bill, you don’t have to…”

“No, I want you to be happy, Hillary.” he said, firmly. “It’s just going to take a while to realize that you're happy with someone else.”

She looked down at her lap. “I’m sorry.”

“No.” he shook his head. “Happy, not sorry.”

Silence lingered between them. “Are you going to be okay, Bill?” she asked. “It was never my intention for all of this to come out like this. I don’t want to hurt you, but I think it’s best that it came from me.”

“I would have rather heard it from you, yes.” he agreed. “Let’s just continue to be open and honest, okay? Please don’t feel like you have to hide anything from me.”

“Okay.” Hillary released the breath she had been holding. Maybe just maybe they were going to get through this. Come out on the other side as friends.

 

tbc…


	6. Chapter 6

Let Me Love the Lonely

 

Hayden knew something was up with her. It was in the way she pushed the food around on her plate, the way she kept swirling the wine around in her glass. He reached over and steadied her right hand with his left. She looked up at him, dark blue eyes troubled and sad. “What’s going on?” he asked. “Are you okay?”

“Nothing.” Hillary sat back in her chair. “I’m fine.” 

“Something’s bothering you.” his voice was soft, filled with concern. “Did something happen while you were in D.C?”

She took a deep, steadying breath. 

He found himself taking a deep breath and then exhaling slowly. “Oh, I see.” he picked up the napkin off his lap and wiped his mouth. “Something happened with Bill.”

“We didn’t have sex.” she immediately replied. And then winced. She already felt incredibly guilty about what had transpired with Bill.

Hayden nodded, reclining back in his chair. “But you came close.” 

“I wouldn’t call it close, either.” she said, honestly. “But it was wrong, it felt wrong. I regretted it immediately. It was familiar and…I don’t have an excuse. It just happened.” her voice wavered. “I’m certainly not proud of it.”

“Is that an apology?”

“No, that’s an explanation.” she replied. “There’s twenty-eight years there. Twenty-eight years of all sorts of messy emotions and I thought I had them all sorted out.”

“And you don’t.” he concluded. 

“I didn’t.” she admitted, softly. “But I do now.”

“Being intimate with your soon to be ex-husband gave you an ah-ha moment?” he was skeptical, but he was willing to hear her out. He owed her that much. 

“You were the reason I stopped things.” she confessed. “The thought of hurting you in any way broke my heart. I couldn’t do to you what was done to me. And I know that I don’t have any sort of claim on you and that we’ve been moving slowly and letting this take its own course. But I want more than that.”

Hayden’s heart was thudding in his chest. Over the past few months his feelings for her had only grown. “What are you saying, Hillary?”

She reached for his hand. “I’m saying I most definitely know what I want now.” she told him. “I think deep down I’ve always known. I was just afraid to admit it.”

God, how he had longed to hear those words. How he had longed to say them but was too afraid of scaring her. “What’s that?”

“You.” she said, simply. “I want to be with you, Hayden.”

He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” she smiled. “I want to be with you and I don’t care who knows it. I don’t care if the press finds out or if they bombard the gates outside. I’m happy and I don’t want to hide anymore.”

He rose to his feet, pulling her up with him. “Are you sure?” he cupped her face in his hands. “Are you absolutely sure? Because once we cross this line there’s no going back. You are still the First Lady and you know that….”

“I love you, Hayden.” she interrupted. “I love you and I don’t give a damn about what anyone else thinks.”

It was one of the most beautiful things he had ever heard in his entire life. That lopsided smile appeared, lighting up his eyes. “You love me?” 

Hillary bridged the distance between, her lips capturing his. It was tender and delicate. Excruciatingly slow and so very thorough. Their mouths stroked in perfect sync, lips and tongues brushing together so sensually and erotically. Absolutely everything they felt pouring out into their kiss. Everything felt so right, so damn good. 

“Yes, I love you.” she hummed softly when the kiss finally broke. 

“I love you, too, Hillary.” he cradled her face in his hands. “I love you so very much. It’s all happened so quickly and I didn’t want to scare you.”

“It scares me too.” she confessed. “I never thought I would fall this hard or this fast. It’s caught me completely off guard. But I’m tired of fighting it. The thought of being without you is far scarier than admitting how I feel.”

“I think you’re amazing.” he smiled. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure you know that.”

“The rest of your life?”

“Absolutely. You didn’t think I was going to ever let you go, did you?”

A beautiful, beaming smile graced her face. “I had hoped not.”

He kissed her lips. Softly, slowly. “I think this calls for major celebration.”

“Oh, yeah?” she challenged. “Do you have a suggestion?”

He licked his lips. “Yeah.” his eyes traveled over her body and then back up to lock with her dark blue ones. “I’m going to show you how much I love you.”

“I like the sound of that.” 

His swept his thumb over her full bottom lip. “Come to bed with me, Ms. Rodham.” he husked. “I’m going to make you mine.”

Hillary reached for his hand, lacing her fingers through his and brought it up to her mouth placing a soft kiss against the back. “I am yours. Unequivocally yours.”

“I’ll never hurt you, love.” he promised her. “You’ve given me a gift that I’m going to cherish for the rest of my life. You’ve healed me in a way that I never thought possible.”

Tears welled in her eyes. “We’ve healed each other.” she whispered. “We’ve saved each other and I think that’s incredible. I didn’t think I could ever feel like this again, but being with you…it’s more than I can put into words.”

He wiped her fallen tears away with the pads of his thumbs. “You don’t have to put it into words.” he said. “I can see it when I look into your eyes. I can feel it in the way you touch me.”

“I need you, Hayden.”

“I need you, too, love.” he pressed a kiss between her eyebrows. “I need to make love to you, to feel you against me. Will you let me?”

“Yes.” she rasped. “Please.”

////

Hayden undressed her slowly. Relishing every inch of skin he uncovered. Soft kisses were pressed against velvety porcelain. It was though he was worshiping her body. Loving it with every stroke of his soft supple lips. The humming against her skin making her ache for him even more.

She sighed contently beneath him, her hand threading through his wavy locks as he continued his path back up her body. His tongue tickled the underside of her breast and then trailed up to the tight pebbled nipple. He captured it between his lips and then let his tongue dance around it. 

Hillary arched her back, her hand gripping his hair tighter still. And he took what she was offering, his mouth opening wider so suck her entire areola into his mouth. “Mmm.” she gasped. “Hayden.”

He released her with popping sound, dragging wet lips up the side of her neck and to her ear. “Yes, Hillary?”

Warm breath sailed over her and she shuddered. The slickness between her thighs was becoming unbearable. And the ache was so heavy and all-consuming that she could barely keep her eyes open. “I need you.”

“You have me.” he pulled back to look at her. “I’m all yours.” he spread her thighs further apart and positioned himself between them. “Every last inch.” With the gentle push of his hips her body opened and he sank deep inside of her. “Mmm.” he breathed out, long and low. “Perfect fit.”

She gasped and then whimpered as he filled her completely. A feeling she would never tire of. “Oh, my God.” she rasped, unshed tears swimming in her eyes. “You feel amazing.”

He pulled out, almost entirely, and then slowly pushed back in. Their moans mingled together. The sheer feel of her stretched out around him was almost more than he could bare. “You’re so snug around me.” he pulled back and her hips sought him out, the loss of contact almost too much for her to bear. She was rewarded when he thrust back inside of her even more deliberate than before. “That’s it, love.” he encouraged. “Move with me.”

Her hips moved with him, both seeking him out and then bucking wildly against his thrusts. The movements of their bodies were taking her breath and her sanity. She surrendered her thoughts and her mind and let her body guide her. “Yes, that’s it.” she cried out as he brushed against her g-spot. “Right there.” Her hands gripped his forearms for leverage as she pushed against him. 

“Damn.” he swore, his thrusts starting to falter. “You’ve got me on edge.”

“Please, don’t stop.” It was a desperate plea. 

He slowed down, bringing his upper body down and stretching it out over hers. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to stop.” he interlaced their hands on either side of her head. “I’m not going to stop until you’ve come all over me.”

Her hips rocked beneath him. “I want that.” she whispered. “I want to come for you.”

“I know you do, love.” he groaned, softly. “I can feel it.” he pushed her down harder into the mattress. “You’re getting so tight around me. So wet. Can you let go for me?”

“Hayden.” she moaned, thrusting against him. 

“I’m right here, Hillary.” his strokes grew deeper. “Just feel me. Feel my body loving yours, pleasuring yours. I’m so hard. I need you so much. I need you to come so I can come.”

“Yes, I want you to come inside of me.”

“I will, love.” Every brush of his hips rubbed against her swollen clit. Everything was so tight, her walls began clenching tighter around him, making it harder for him to thrust in and out. “That’s it.” he encouraged. “Look at me.”

Desire laden eyes locked with his. And it sent her over the edge. A series of breathless whimpers floated from her lips and then a broken wail of his name. Her body gripped his tightly and what seemed like endless flutters massaged his ever-swelling cock.

He throbbed painfully inside of her. She was gripping him like a vice, velvet walls clenched around him and he had no choice but to give him. He thrust one more time, pinning her to the mattress as his come rushed out of him and filled her body to overflowing. 

“I love you.” he husked, collapsing against her. 

Hillary held him tightly against her, threading her hand into the hair at the nape of his neck. “I love you, too.” she pressed a kiss against his damp forehead. “That was incredible.”

He pulled back to look at her. “Incredible enough to want to spend the rest of your life with me?”

“Hmm.” she pretended to think. 

“Hmm?” he questioned. “That’s not the reaction I got a moment ago when you were screaming my name.”

She smiled. “Heat of the moment and all that.”

“There are some things you just can’t fake.” he told her. “And the way I just made you come, hot and hard, around me is one of them.”

“It was damn good.”

“Good enough to do again?”

“Definitely.” she smiled. “I just have one request.”

“What’s that?”

“Can we finish dinner first?”

Hayden laughed. “Yes.” he replied. “We’re going to need it to build up our energy.”

 

tbc…


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little family fluff this go round. Proposal in the next chapter and then some Billary. Then we're going to time jump quite a bit in chapters 10-12.

Let Me Love the Lonely

October 1999

They sat in the back of the town car as thy made their way to Hayden’s house. He held Hillary’s hand, lightly stroking the back of it with his thumb. “Don’t be nervous they’re going to love you.”

“Says the man with the sweaty palms.”

“Sorry, love.” he wiped his hands dry on his trousers. “I just want everything to go smoothly. I’ve never done this before.”

“Well, neither have I.” she laughed. “I think perhaps we should both relax. If we’re relaxed then the children will be relaxed too.”

He sighed, heavily, leaning his head against the headrest. “We’re being ridiculous.” he said. “I’m being ridiculous.”

“I still love you despite your ridiculousness.” she smiled. “Besides you act as though the entire weight of the world depends on this one meeting.”

He looked over at her. “It’s just that I’m so fucking happy with you.” he replied. “And I want everyone to be happy. That includes the boys and Chelsea.”

“It’s not a Disney movie, darling.” she teased. “There doesn’t have to be a villain. Although I think you would make a very handsome Captain Hook.”

Hayden laughed. “If I’m Captain Hook what does that make you?”

“Well, Mrs. Hook, of course.”

“Of course.” he agreed. “God, I love you. I can’t imagine not having you in my life.”

Hillary leaned over and pecked his lips. “I love you, too.” she said. “You’re so sweet and a little bit goofy, but I love you anyway.”

“There is one part of the fairytale we’re absolutely going to get right.”

“The Princess turning the frog into a prince?” she teased.

“No.” he laughed. “The happily ever after part.”

“That is almost my favorite part of the whole story.”

“Almost?” he arched an eyebrow. “What’s better than the happily ever after?”

“When the Prince kisses the Princess.”

He cupped her face in his hands. “Oh, I think that may be my favorite part too.” He leaned in closer and captured her lips in a soft, lingering kiss. “Mmm.” he sighed, pulling back. “Definitely my favorite part.”

“I told you.”

The car came to a complete stop. Hayden took a deep breath. “Here goes nothing.”

/////

The Secret Service had a look over the property hours before assuring her safety as well as following standing protocol. And since protocol was just that it was easier to go with the flow than to protest. 

Hayden opened the front door and allowed Hillary to step inside before closing it behind them. “I think all the nerves were for nothing.” he told her. “This feels right, it feels good.”

She smiled at him, brightly and beautifully. “I think so, too.”

“They’re here, they’re here!” a little voice bellowed from upstairs. “Daddy’s home and he brought the First Lady!”

“Benjy, you can’t call her the First Lady.” Noah told him. “Her name is Hillary Rodham.”

Benjamin sighed, dramatically. “Fine.” he said. “Daddy’s here and he brought Hillary!”

Hayden took Hillary’s hand and led them toward the sound of the voices. Benjamin practically leaped down the last few steps and ran toward them. “Hi, Lady Hillary!” he beamed, looking up at her. “I’m Benjamin Matthew Dalton.” he extended his little hand. “I’m very happy you’re my dad’s girlfriend.”

She chuckled and shook his hand. “It’s very nice to meet you, Benjamin Matthew Dalton.” she lowered herself down to his height. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

He smiled a toothless grin, both of his tooth teeth missing. “Like what?” he challenged her. 

“Let’s see…you’re six and a half years old and in the first grade. You love dinosaurs, the Pterodactyl is your favorite. You like the New York Yankees.” she recalled. “And your favorite color is red.”

“Hey, that’s pretty good.” he smiled. “What’s your favorite color?”

Hillary pretended to think. “Green.”

“Green is a good color.” he told her. “I’m so glad you didn’t say pink. All the girls in my class say pink is their favorite color. Or purple. But purple isn’t so bad. You can’t make purple without red. Or blue.”

“That’s right.” she replied. 

“Are you going to have dinner with us?”

“If it’s okay with you and your brother.”

Benjamin smiled his big toothless grin. “It’s okay with me!” he exclaimed. “And I get to choose what we eat because I’m a picky eater.”

“I’ve heard that too.” she told him. “Maybe we can all decide on something together.”

Noah shook his head. “I hope you like pizza or peanut butter and jelly.”

Hillary rose to full height. “Well as long as it’s not grape jelly I think we can work something out.”

Fifteen-year-old Noah remained leaning up against the banister. “You don’t want to guess my favorite color or dinosaur?” a smirk pulled at the corners of his mouth. 

“I’m going to guess black and that you’re not really into dinosaurs.” she smiled back. “More like heavy metal music and sports cars.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “I bet you can’t name a heavy metal band.”

“No.” she replied. “I can several. Metallica, Pantera, Black Sabbath, Slayer, Iron Maiden, AC/DC, and my personal favorite Kiss.”

Noah was taken aback a little, but quickly recovered. “You don’t know any of the newer stuff?”

“Like Korn and Slipknot and Limp Bizkit?” she asked. “I don’t think they’re nearly as good, but of course that’s just my opinion.”

Hayden flashed his son a smile. He knew that Noah was going to try and test Hillary and so far, both seemed to be holding their own. “How about we order some pizza?”

/////

Hayden took Benjy for a bath and to get ready for bed leaving Hillary and Noah alone. The conversation through dinner seemed to go well. Lots of generic questions and Benjamin showing off his knowledge of all fifty states in a song he learned in school. Noah teased him because he was off key. 

Noah made his way into the kitchen and turned on the faucet, pouring some dish liquid in the sink. He wanted to finish his chore and go to his room for the rest of the evening.  
“Would you like some help?”

He scoffed. “I can handle washing some dishes.” he said, starting the places the glasses in the water. “Besides, I’m sure it’s really not your thing anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“First Lady of Arkansas, First Lady of the United States.” he said. “I’m sure things like eating pizza and washing dishes aren’t things you normally do, ma’am.”

“Okay first off, no more ma’am, it’s just Hillary.” she told him. “And second, when Chelsea was home we made dinner together every Wednesday night. And then we cleaned up together. As for pizza, the local place is on sped dial both in Chappaqua and at the White House.”

He took a dishrag out of the drawer. “So, I’m just supposed to believe you’re a normal person?” he asked, turning off the water. “That all the maids and chefs and drivers and security don’t matter to you?”

“It’s a nice perk.” she admitted. “Can I live without all those people? Absolutely. But I’m going to have Secret Service protection for the rest of my life and that means I’m not allowed to drive. That’s a little frustrating. I can’t just get in my car and go for a drive to clear my head or to go grab some lunch with a friend. There are draw backs to everything including perks.”

“You seriously can’t drive?” he asked. “Even if they follow you?”

“No.” she shook her head. “But it’s not so bad. The detail is non-evasive, they blend in, stay in the background. I’m very grateful for their duty.” she told him. “Now you wash and I’ll dry.”

Noah quietly washed a glass, rinsed it and then handed it to her. “Dad said you’ve been dating for a while.” 

Hillary reached for the tea towel. “We have.” 

“How long?” he asked. “Because your divorce wasn’t finalized until August.”

“We met in February.” she replied, placing the dry glass upside down on the counter. “Started seeing each other in March.”

“So it was casual?” he asked, handing her another glass. 

Honesty was the best thing she could give him if she wanted to build a relationship with him. “At first, yes.” 

“But not now.” he surmised. “I mean you wouldn’t be here if things weren’t serious between the two of you. He wouldn’t have brought you here to meet us.”

“As a parent, it’s your job to protect your children no matter how old they are.” she placed the glass next to the first one. “That includes waiting to introduce them to people unless you have a solid foundation in your relationship.”

“He’s in love with you.” he said, bluntly. “You’re the first person we’ve met since…mom died over three years ago. I’m pretty sure you’re the only one he’s dated. I just don’t want to see him get hurt, especially…”

“By me.” she finished for him. “Look, Noah, I know this seems sudden and maybe trivial and temporary, but it’s not. Your dad isn’t some fling to help me get over what happened in my marriage. I love Hayden very much and I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. I know this is hard for everyone. I’m not trying to take Grace’s place. Just like your dad isn’t trying to take Bill’s.”

“Can it really be that simple?”

“Everything takes work.” she replied. “Especially the things we want most. I’m committed to making this work. I’m willing to make sacrifices and be open and honest with you and Benjy. Are you willing to try?”

Noah was quiet for several moments, taking it all in. “I’m willing to try.” 

“Good.” she smiled. “I know this isn’t going to be easy, change never is, but I think if we can all be honest with each other then it will make things better.”

“It takes a village, right?”

Hillary chuckled. “Indeed, it does.”

/////

The drive back to Chappaqua was rather quiet. Hillary and Hayden were very happy with how things had developed with Noah and Benjamin. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a really good start. Something they could build on. And they knew that there would be ups and downs but overall, they were pleased with the initial progress. 

“Drink?” Hillary asked, once they were inside. “I think we’ve earned it.”

“Oh, we’ve more than earned it.” he said, closing the door behind them. “In fact, I have about an hour and a half before I need to be home.” he leaned up against the door. “Maybe we can have more than one drink.”

Hillary moved closer to him. “Or maybe we can have a second helping of dessert.”

“You didn’t enjoy the frosted sugar cookies?” he teased her, pulling her to him and draping his arms loosely around her shoulders. “Not savory enough for you?”

“You know I prefer anything chocolate.” she batted her eyelashes. “It’s the way to my heart.”

“Oh, I don’t want your heart.”

Hillary playfully arched her eyebrow. “No?”

“No.” he replied. “I already have that.”

“Then tell me what you want from me.” she said. “Perhaps I can grant your request.”

Hayden’s hands went for the buttons down her cardigan. “First, I think we should take this off.” he bit down on his bottom lip as he began uncovered the light pink cami beneath, tops of her breasts peeking out from the top. “So sexy.” He leaned down, capturing her lips in a tantalizing kiss. Starting off hot and heavy but then slowing it down to soft and languid.

Her hands pulled at his shirt, untucking it from his pants. Soft hands glided along the warm skin beneath and she moaned into the kiss. There was nothing more she wanted than to make love to him. He ignited every nerve ending in her body. 

He ran his hands over her breasts, squeezing gently, and then cupped her face in his hands, deepening their kiss even more. He could drown in her. He wanted to drown in her. Even if just for a little while. 

Chelsea thought she heard voices and had made her way down the hallway from the family room. “Mom, are you home?” she called out. “Mom?”

Hillary and Hayden immediately pulled apart. Flushed skin, swollen lips, breathing heavily. Shock and surprise etched across their faces. This was not at all how Hillary had envisioned Chelsea meeting Hayden to go. Not by a long shot. 

“Chelsea.” Hillary ran a hand through her hair. “What a surprise, honey.”

“Yeah, I took an earlier flight.”

“I see.” she breathed out, pulling her sweater tighter together. “How was it?”

“Fine. Only a little turbulence.” she replied. “Aren’t you going to introduce me?”

“Yes, of course.” Hillary said. “Chelsea, I would like you to meet Dr. Hayden Dalton.” 

Chelsea extended her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Dr. Dalton.”

He took her hand in both of his. “Hayden.” he corrected her. “And it’s very nice to meet you as well, Chelsea. Your mother has told me so much about you.”

“I’m sure she has.” she beamed. “And I’m so sorry about that. Mom seems to think I the most perfect child ever.”

“It’s quite alright.” he assured her. “She’s incredibly proud of you.”

Chelsea smiled at her mother. “I’m proud of her, too.” she reached for her mother’s hand. “Did I interrupt something?” she asked. “I’m sorry.”

“No, not at all.” she assured her. “Why don’t we go into the kitchen and I’ll make you something to eat?” she suggested. “Hayden and I were going to have a drink.”

“No, mom, I’m fine.” she argued.

“Come on, Chelsea.” Hayden said. “I’ll make you something.”

Chelsea smiled at her mother over her shoulder. “Thanks, Hayden.” she said. “The food on the plane wasn’t that great.”

Hillary shook her head and followed the two of them toward the kitchen. “I offered to make you something.”

“I know, mom.” she said. “But you keep telling me what a great cook Hayden is.”

“Are you bragging on me, Hillary?” he asked, flipping the lights on in the kitchen. “Because that’s adorable.”

Hillary just shook her head. “Hayden.”

Chelsea smiled. She still wasn’t completely sold on the idea of her mother being with anyone other than her father. But Hayden seemed to make her happy. Her mom’s voice always sounded so different when she would talk about him. Her eyes would light up in a way they hadn’t since the scandal broke. And as she watched them interact she had no doubt that they were happy together. 

“Chelsea?” Hillary called out. “Chels?”

“Yes?” she looked up at her mother from her position on the bar stool. 

“Did you call your dad?” she asked. “Let him know that you landed safely?”

“Uh, no.” she replied. “I forgot.”

Hayden picked the house phone up out of the cradle and slid it across the island to her. “Call him and let him know you’re safe and sound.”

Chelsea smiled up at him. “Okay.” she picked up the phone. “I will.” she said, heading out of the kitchen. “I’ll be right back.”

“Lovely girl.” he said, gathering ingredients from the refrigerator. “Reminds me of her momma.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, I do.” he said. “I mean she looks exactly like Bill, but her smile, that’s all you.”

“She’s a good girl.”

He placed his findings down on the island. “It’s a good thing I came back with you this evening. She would be eating a bowl of cereal right now.” he teased. “Instead of my delicious eggs benedict.”

“Show off.”

“I’m going to make you some too.”

“You’re forgiven then.”

Hayden leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Thank you, love.” he said. “I think this whole blended family thing is going to work just fine.”

“I think so too.”

“Good because I intend to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.” she smiled. “Death is the only way you’ll be able to escape me.”

Hayden laughed. “You’ll never be completely rid of me.” he said. “Not even in death.”

 

tbc…


	8. Chapter 8

Let Me Love the Lonely

 

New Year’s 2000

It was nearly three in the morning when the party at Hillary’s had died down. The last of the guests had left and Hayden helped an incredibly tipsy Hillary up the stairs and into the master bedroom. She immediately headed for the bed but his hands on her hips stopped her. 

“Hang on.” he said. “Let’s take your dress off first.”

“Oh, yeah?” she challenged with a slight giggle. “It’s not that long, you can just push it up.”

He shook his head. “No, love, I was thinking more along the lines of saving it from getting covered in puke.”

“I’m not a puker.” she insisted. “And I haven’t had that much. In the grand scheme of things.”

Hayden unzipped her dress. “You say that now.”

Hillary turned around to face him, slipping the dress down her body until she was left in only a black lace bra. “Yes, I drank a lot.” she confessed. “But it was over the course of an entire evening. Like eight hours. And besides I ate.”

“I’m not sure how much Hors d’oeuvres counts as an actual meal.” 

“Don’t act like you didn’t have just as much to drink as I did.” she reached around her back and unfastened her bra. “You just stopped drinking in the last hour.” the garment hit the floor and she made her way into his arms. “Besides we should really be celebrating, Hayden.”

“We’ve been celebrating for hours, love.” he wrapped his arms around her waist. “You need to rest.”

“Yes, but this is different.” she argued, words blurring together. “We made it into the new century and the world didn’t implode.”

“Yes, that was a remarkable achievement.” he agreed. “And we already celebrated that, unless you’ve forgotten how you accosted me in the bathroom right after the ball dropped.”

“Now, now, Hayden.” she admonished albeit sloppily. “Let’s not forget why I had to go through the rest of the party without panties.”

“I couldn’t help it, you were all over me.”

Hillary smiled up at him. “I wasn’t all over youuu.” she squeezed her eyes shut to deep the lightheadedness at bay. “I was simply…” her words failed. 

“Simply what?”

She opened her eyes and looked up into his. “…blowing you and you interrupted me.”

“Are you saying you didn’t enjoy it?” he asked, stroking her hair. “Because you seemed to be really into it at the time. The way you kept whimpering and trying not to scream.”

“Oh no, I thoroughly enjoyed it.” she said, lowly. “You know I did. I love having you inside of me. It’s so deep from behind like that.” she licked her lips. “I’m wet just thinking about it.”

“Hillary.” he warned. “Come on, love, you’ve had too much to drink. We’ve both had too much to drink.”

“Then the playing field is even.”

Hayden shook his head. “You know I love you.” he started. “And that I want you. I think you’re incredibly…”

“Then show me.” she challenged. “I’m so wet.”

He licked his lips. “I’m not doubting that.”

“Here, feel.” she took his hand and guided it between her thighs. His fingers brushed against her, audibly. “Mmm.” she hummed at the sensation. “So good, isn’t it?”

“I never said that it wasn’t.” his fingers began exploring her on their own accord. “I just think that you should rest.”

“I will.” she assured him. “I promise I will.” her hand covered his, guiding his fingers up over her swollen clit. “But first I need to come. Please, Hayden?”

“Hillary…” he sighed. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Well you can start by slipping your fingers in here.” she guided his fingers down to her swollen entrance. 

Hayden reached out to steady her swaying form. “Okay, love.” he said, softly. “But let’s move to the bed, alright?”

“Mmm ‘kay.” she agreed. 

He guided her to the bed and flipped the covers back with one hand, throw pillows flying everywhere. “In you go.”

Hillary climbed inside, settling against the soft sheets. “Perfect.” she breathed out. “Now you come here.”

He climbed in bed next to her, settling beside her on his elbow. He smiled down at her. Even in her playful inebriated state he found her endearing. He loved her more than words could possibly express. “Now what?”

“You’re supposed to touch me, remember?”

“How could I possibly forget?”

Hillary’s eyes started slipped closed. “I love you, Hayden.”

He leaned over and pressed a kiss between her eyebrows. “I love you too, Hillary.” he pulled the blankets up over her. “Why don’t we rest for a bit, okay?”

Hillary shifted closer to him, her body suddenly so heavy. “Just for a few minutes.” 

Within moments she was limp against him. He reached over and turned the lamp off. Completely content just holding her in his arms. “Goodnight, love.”

/////

A dull ache reverberated throughout her entire body. Not enough to be excruciating but still bad enough that she wanted painkillers and to pull the sheets back up over her head. Hayden had closed the blinds blocking the brightest sunlight but what was filtering in from the side of the house was still enough to make her wince. She reached across the bed for him but found it empty. She reached for his pillow instead but something caught her eye.

Situated on the ring finger of her left hand was a rather extravagant ring. The sunlight reflected off the large princess cut stone and she gasped. She closed her eyes trying to remember what happened the previous evening but nothing about a proposal stood out in her mind. And surely, he wouldn’t have proposed to her if she was completely drunk.   
Hillary pushed back the covers and sat up, swinging her feet over the bed and then taking a deep breath as she stood up. A few following breaths kept the nausea at bay. She grabbed Hayden’s shirt off the bench and slipped it on. Her feet slowly carried her to the bathroom where she heard the distinct sound of water being turned off. 

Hayden stepped out of the shower and reached for the plush navy towel. “Morning love.” he started to dry off. “How do you feel?”

“Uhh…a little confused.”

“Why’s that?” he wrapped the towel around his waist. “Headache?”

“A little.” she shook her head. “But that’s not what I’m talking about.” Hillary held up her left hand. “What is this?”

Hayden looked at her hand and then back at her. “It’s your engagement ring.”

“My what?”

“Your engagement ring.” he repeated. “You don’t like it?”

Hillary was momentarily stunned. “No, no. Of course, I like it I mean it’s gorgeous.” she glanced down at her hand again. “Breathtaking. I just don’t remember much of last night, that’s all.”

“It was a fun party.” he reached for her hand, examining the ring on her finger. “Perfect fit. Kind of like Cinderella.”

“Hayden…I don’t remember you proposing.”

“Because I didn’t.”

“You what?” she asked, looking him in the eye. “You didn’t propose?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t think I had to.” he replied. “I figured if we’re going to get married then you should have an engagement ring.”

“How very thoughtful of you.”

“I try.” 

Silence hung in the air. “Fucking seriously, Hayden?”

A devilish smirk pulled at the corners of his lips. “Yeah, seriously, Hillary.” he reached out for her hip, gripping it tightly in his hand and pulling her toward him. “I was thinking we could get married on Nantucket Island. Before it gets too hot though. Mid-May maybe? I like the idea of a May wedding.”

“A May wedding?” she asked, trying to follow his train of thought. 

“Yes, why? Would you rather a summer wedding?” he asked. “I just thought it would be better for hair and makeup and everyone’s comfort if it was in the Spring. But if you’re thinking something else….”

“Hayden.” she interrupted. “Have you planned this all out?”

He arched an eyebrow. “I don’t have down every detail, no, but I have given it some thought.” he told her. “Like I know you’re going to insist on a simple dress but I would really like it if you wore something…well something by Oscar de la Renta.”

“Wow, Hayden!” she breathed out. “This sounds extravagant.” 

He shook his head. “No I think it should be nice and cozy. Just our families and our closest friends. Good wine and food. A simple ceremony and then a little party. Then we leave for our honeymoon the following morning.”

“Honeymoon?” she asked with a slight smile. The amazing man before her and planned everything out. Probably right down to the menu. 

“I was thinking St. Barts.” he said. “Or maybe Fiji.”

“I would really prefer Saint Lucia.”

Hayden cradled her face in his hands. “We can go anywhere you want, love. As long as you’re my wife, that is.”

Hillary chuckled. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Marry me?”

“Well, I can’t say no now, can I?” she smiled. “Not after you’ve planned everything out.”

“That was the plan.”

Hillary’s lips met his softly. “I love you so much.”

“That’s what I was counting on. I couldn’t take a risk of you turning me down.”

“Just for the record if you would have just asked outright I would have said yes.” she smiled. “But your way was good too.”

“Points for originality?”

“Oh, major points.”

Hayden kissed her again. Kissed her as though she was the oxygen he needed to fill his lungs. “Perhaps I could earn some more points?” he asked, when he pulled back from her.

“Mmm.” she hummed. “I think I could come up with a few things.”

Tbc…


	9. Chapter 9

Let Me Love the Lonely

 

February 2000

 

Seven-year-old Benjamin held tightly to Hillary’s hand as the ascended the large staircase up to the White House residence. He had been quiet since they had arrived, taking everything in. They were studying Abraham Lincoln in school and he was quite overwhelmed with the idea of being able to see the Lincoln bedroom. He had requested it to be their first stop. 

“Did he sleep in the bed?” he asked when they reached the top of the stairs. 

“No.” she chuckled. “It was actually President Lincoln’s private office.”

“So he did his work in here?” 

“Yes.” she replied, leading them toward the bedroom. “He did lots of thinking and important work in here.”

“This is so exciting!” he beamed up at her. “You’re the best, Hillary!”

She pushed open the door of the Lincoln bedroom. “Go on in.”

Benjamin hesitated. “Are you sure we can go in?”

Hillary smiled and crouched down to that she was eye level with him. “I’m positive.” she replied. “And you can touch anything you want as long as you’re very careful, okay?”

He nodded, enthusiastically and threw his arms around her. “Thank you for letting me come with you.”

She hugged him back. “Thanks for coming with me.” she pulled back to look at him. “Now I won’t get lonely in this big house.”

“Are you sad you don’t live here anymore, Hillary?”

She shook her head, slightly. “I’m very happy in New York.” she answered, gently. “You know soon Bill will have to leave to and a new President will come.”

“Elections are every four years.”

“That’s right.” she confirmed. “And you can only be president for eight years and then you have to give someone else a turn.”

“Like the Vice President.” he said. “Andrew Jackson was Lincoln’s vice president.”

“Yes, he was.” she rose to full height. “Shall we go in?”

“Yes!”

/////

Benjamin sat at the kitchen table crayons scattered out and a coloring book spread open. He bit down on his bottom lip in concentration as he colored in the black on Lincoln’s top hat. “Hillary?”

“Yes, sweetheart?” she asked, making sure to spread a very thin but completely covered layer of jelly on the slice of bread. 

“I’m glad you’re don’t live here anymore.” he told her. “I like your other house much better.”

“You do?” she laid the jelly bread on top of the peanut butter and began cutting it into four triangles. 

“Yes.” he replied. “This house is really cool, but your house is so much more fun. I don’t have to be as careful. You let me eat in the family room. And we built that cool fort in the tree.”

Hillary chuckled at the memory of the four of them and two secret service agents trying to construct a tree house kit in the middle of December. “Well the fort is really cool.” she agreed. “Move your coloring book out of the way.”

Benjamin pushed it off to the side. “I’m so hungry!” he sighed, exasperated. “Touring the white house is so exhausting.”

She laughed as she sat the plate down in front of him. “Milk?”

“Yes, please.”

Bill had been standing in the doorway for a few minutes, watching the exchange between the two of them. It warmed his heart. Their divorce was painful and it still hurt, it lingered and gnawed at him on even his best days. Seeing her interact with Benjamin though, that eased the suffering. Hillary was a natural with children and he knew she loved this little boy as her own. 

He slowly made his way into the kitchen, “You think I could get one of those?” he asked, pulling out the chair next to Benjamin. “Peanut butter and jelly is my favorite.”

Benjamin smiled at him, jelly smeared across his face. “You have to ask Hillary.” he said. “She makes the best sandwiches. It’s because she uses crunchy peanut butter.”

“That’s the best kind.” Bill turned slightly in his chair so that he could see her. She smiled at him. Perhaps this was going to be easier than either of them thought. “May I have a sandwich, please?” he asked. “I’m starving.”

“Yes of course.” she replied. “White or wheat?”

“White.” he replied. “Thank you.” He turned his attention back to Benjamin. “Did you get to see the Lincoln Bedroom?”

“Yes!” he took another bite of his sandwich. “It was awesome! My favorite place so far. He was the sixteenth president. You’re the forty-second.”

Bill nodded. “That’s right.” he said. “Did you learn all this in the first grade?”

“The Lincoln part.” he reached for this milk. “Hillary told me your number.”

He glanced back at her and then back at Benjamin. “You want to come help me out in the Oval Office for a little while after we eat?” he asked. “I have a few things to sign. I’ll let you keep the pen.”

His eyes grew big. “That would be so cool!” he said. “Can I Hillary? Please, please, please?”

She sat the plate down in front of Bill. “For a little while.” she replied. “Then we need to work on your homework, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Bill looked up at her. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” she replied. “You boys eat your lunch. A president and his page are no good on an empty stomach.”

/////

Bill poured two tumblers of scotch and brought them over to the chairs in front of the fireplace in the family room. “Benjamin is a very smart boy.” he handed her a tumbler. “He thinks the world of you.”

“Thank you.” she accepted the drink from him. “I love him so much.” she said. “Getting to know him the past six months has been amazing. He’s this little sponge that absorbs everything. He’s so inquisitive. I remember how much I loved that age with Chelsea.”

“You’re an excellent mother, Hillary.” he told her. “It reflects in Chelsea and I see some of the same things in Benjy even though you’ve not been in his life long.”

Maybe this was her in. Maybe this was the easiest way to tell him. “Hayden asked me to marry him.” she said, softly. 

Bill took a sip of his scotch. It burned a little more as it slid down the back of his throat. Maybe it was the unshed tears that went with it. “You should marry him.”

Hillary looked at him, wide eyed. “You’re okay with this, Bill?”

He nodded, silent for several long moments. “You’re happy, Hillary.” he husked. “And it kills me that it’s not with me, but you’re happy. That’s the most important thing. Hayden’s a good man. I mean he has to be or else you wouldn’t be so happy. Besides Chelsea really likes him and I find her to be a really good judge of character.”

She smiled at the mention of their daughter. “He is a good man.” she replied. “Not that he doesn’t have flaws, but I do love him Bill. More than I ever thought possible.”

“I know that you don’t need my permission or blessing, but you have it, Hillary.” he told her tears spilling down his face. “I was selfish before and it cost me everything. I don’t want to be like that anymore. Life is short. Love and happiness are so important.”

“Thank you.” she rasped, tears threatening to overflow. “That means so much to me, Bill.”

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly and heavily. “It’s going to be right for you this time, Hillary.” he wiped at his eyes. “You’re not going to have to worry about all the shit I put you through. All the lying and the cheating.”

“I know there were contributing factors, Bill.” she eased. “And whilst the ultimate responsibility is yours, I always knew how much your childhood affected you. I made the mistake of thinking I could change you. Put the pieces back together. Cure you. But I got broken too.”

“I’m sorry.” he husked. “I know I can say it a million times and it might not make a difference, but I am sorry.”

She wiped her eyes. “I know you are.” she replied. “And I forgive you, Bill. I’ve forgiven myself too. That’s something you’re going to have to continue to work on in your therapy.”

“I’m still going.” he told her. “I’m going to be a better man, Hillary. I’ve learnt so much about myself. Things that I never thought to connect together.”

“I’m proud of you.” she smiled through tears. “I hope you’ll continue to work on this. Even though Chelsea is a young adult she still needs her parents. She needs them to amicable and united.”

“She’s my biggest accomplishment in life.” he said. “If I could pick one thing from my life that’s I’ve done right and that I’m proud of it would be Chelsea.”

“You’re a wonderful father and no matter what happens in this town no one can take that away from you.”

The sound of footsteps padding across the floor echoed against hardwood floors. Benjamin was quickly making his way across the room, hands scrubbing his eyes. “Mommy?” he called out. “I had a bad dream.”

Hillary was momentarily stunned. Mommy. Mommy? She recovered enough to pull him up into her lap. “It’s okay.” she soothed him. “I’ve got you. Everything’s fine.”

“Okay.” he mumbled against her pajamas. 

She stroked her hand through his hair. “Shh…go back to sleep, Benjy.” He drifted back asleep in her arms and she held him closer to her. She pressed a kiss into his hair, tears filling her eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too, mommy.”

Bill was completely humbled by the scene before him. “That.” he husked, holding back a completely different set of tears. “That’s everything, Hillary. This is where you’re supposed to be.” he said. “This is the family that you deserve.” 

“But I wanted it with you.”

“I know, baby.” he said. “And it’s okay to want it with someone else now, it’s okay to have it with someone else. Marry Hayden. Run for Senate. You’re smart and ambitious and good and you’ve toed the line way too long, mostly at my expense. This is your time, Hillary. You have to take it.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Bill.” she rasped. “I’ve never wanted to, it was never my intention.”

“I can take it.” he assured her. “Let me be the one to take it this time. You’ve had more than your fair share of turns. I’ll handle the fallout. You’re still standing when most people would have crumbled. I may hit my knees on this one, but if that’s what it takes to hold the weight off you then I’m more than willing to accept whatever is thrown at me.”

Hillary nodded. “We’re going to be okay.” And for the first time she really believed it. 

“We are.” 

 

tbc…


	10. Chapter 10

Let Me Love the Lonely

May 2005

 

The ride from her office to her home had been a long one. The thought of spending their anniversary alone at Whitehaven had her a little sullen. Perhaps ordering in some Thai and maybe a bottle of chardonnay would get her through. She pushed open the heavy front door and made her way inside. 

The delicious smell of baked Ziti and hints of something decadent wafted through the air. A huge smile crept across her lips. He was there. Hillary slipped off her blazer, kicked off her heels, and made her way toward the kitchen. She couldn’t wait a moment longer. “Hayden?” she called out.

He grabbed her from behind, pulling her to him. She yelped in response before relaxing into his embrace. “Good evening, my love.” he whispered against her ear. “Surprised?”

“Incredibly. I thought I was going to have to spend the night alone.”

“Never.” he reached for her left hand, bring it up in front of them and then slipping a band of sapphires down on top of her engagement ring. “Happy anniversary.”

It took her breath. “Oh, Hayden, it’s beautiful.” She turned in his arms so that they were facing. “Thank you.”

“You can thank me later.” 

Blue eyes burned into his. It was the look that reflected, the feel of him against her, how he went to great lengths to surprise her. “I want to thank you now.” 

“I made you dinner.” he pressed a kiss against her neck. “And blueberry cheesecake.”

“God, you are the perfect husband.” Her hands roamed his chest. “I love you so much. How did I ever get so lucky?”

He gently cupped her face in his hands. “I’m the lucky one. You’re more than I ever could have hoped for. Strong and brilliant and absolutely gorgeous.”

“You are a smooth talker, Dr. Dalton.”

Hayden’s mouth hovered just above hers. “I’m going to take that as a compliment, Senator.”

“Oh, you definitely should. Now kiss me.”

“With pleasure.”

His kisses were down right intoxicating. Full and soft and insanely erotic. Lips stroked perfectly against hers until her lungs burned for air. But she was determined to drown in him. In the playful nip of his teeth and the stroke of his tongue and warmth of his mouth against hers. It was hot and heavy and all consuming. 

He shoved her against the wall, hard, and she held tightly to him not ready to surrender her hold on him. Her hands tore at his clothing, buttons giving way and flying off in every direction. Fingertips roamed over tone muscles from his chest down his abdomen. Her frantic need for him only growing by the moment. 

“I’ve missed you so much.” Her lips were hot trailing against his neck. Puffs of ragged breath even hotter. 

Hayden’s head fell back, his mouth opening in a low groan. “Mmm. God, Hillary.” His hands tangled roughly in her hair, anchoring her to him. “I want you.” 

She groaned against his warm flesh. Her hands made quick work of his belt and pants, pushing his pants down his thighs. “So hard.” she murmured against his skin, running her fingertips up and down his thick length. 

His hand covered hers. “Don’t tease.”

“Never.” she pulled back, smirking. “I’m going to thank you, remember?”

Hayden watched as she slowly sank down to her knees, ridding him of his clothes along with way. His arousal jutted out proudly in front of him. Hard and thick and begging for her attention. 

She licked her lips and looked up at him from dark mascara coated lashes. “You’re unbelievably sexy.” her hand wrapped around him, bring the head to her lips. Smooth pink tongue slipped out and swiped several times at the leaking tip. She spread the slick moisture around with her tongue. 

He looked down at her and drew in a ragged breath. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” he groaned, long and loud, reveling in the feel of her mouth. “So fucking good.”

Her tongue ran down his length and to his balls, already tight and heavy. She ticked over them with the tip and his hands threaded in her hair. “Mmm.” she hummed. “You taste delicious.”

Before he could answer her warm mouth was sliding over him, her smooth tongue licking up and down the thick vein on the underside of his cock. “Fuck, yes.” he grunted. “Your mouth is so hot.” he watched as she moved up and down on him. Devouring him. His hips rose to match her movements, her hands pushing into his ass. “You make me feel so good.”

She moaned around him. The only thing on her mind was making him come. And she wanted him to come hot and hard. Her tongue laved him, her lips caressed him, her moans reverberated around him. She loved having her lips wrapped around him, devouring him. 

But he was pulling away from her, pushing her back and then grabbing her by the wrists. “Come here, love.” he pulled her up to him. 

“Hayden…”

His tongue stroked over hers as he undid her pants. “Can’t wait.” he murmured between kisses. “…have to be inside you.” He picked her up, her legs wrapping around her waist. 

The dining room table was hard and cold against her back but quickly warmed to her heated skin. He had managed to strip her in no time and was now crawling over her, his cock brushing against her thigh and then her wet entrance. Drawing a desperate groan from the back of his throat. “Damn, you’re swollen.”

Her thighs spread wider. “I need you.” she rasped. 

“What do you need me to do?” His throbbing arousal rubbed against her hardened clit, making her arch into him. 

“Make me come.”

“How?”

She was dizzy with desire. “I don’t care.” 

He shuddered. “Hot and wet. Just for me.” he grabbed her leg, wrapping it around his waist. He looked down into her face, holding his breath, as he slid inside of her. She gasped and then whimpered several times as his balls came to rest tightly against her. “Mmm I love feeling you all around me.”

Her hips bucked against his. “Hayden. I need more.”

“Feel good?” he asked, slowly pulling out and then pushing back inside. She felt like heaven wrapped around him. His eyes slammed shut as he tried to keep up his tempo nice and even. She already had him on absolute edge. Wet and tight and oh-so warm. 

“Yes.” she managed. “I can feel every inch of you.”

His eyes opened and locked with hers. “It’s all for you.” He pressed into her and held, his cock throbbing inside of her. “Mmm you make me feel so good.” he eased about a bit and her hips followed him. “God, I want to come.”

Her back bowed, hard nipples scraping against his chest. Everything was heightened. Tight like a coil and desperately needing release. Every stroke of his cock had her crying out, had her walls starting to flutter around him. “Hayden.” she whined. God, she was close. 

His thrusts continued, long and slow and drawn out. Pulling out to the purple, swollen tip, and then slowly easing back side her delicious heat, bringing him a moment’s relief as her body surrounded his so decadently. He drew in a shaky breath her tightness was pulling on his fullness of his balls and he didn’t know how much longer he could possibly last. 

“That’s it, Hillary.” he coaxed, perfect strokes against trembling walls. Her hips stopped moving and she lay there, allowing him to take all of her. Velvety inner walls clamped down on him, rippling tightly as her back bowed off the table and his name tumbled repeatedly from her lips. 

He could barely withstand it. He didn’t even have to move. Her body squeezed his so tightly that he was coming before he even realized what was happening. Her body deliciously milking him until he collapsed against her. “I love you.” he pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “More than you’ll ever know.”

Hillary brushed her fingers through his hair. “Happy Anniversary, darling.”

/////

Dinner dishes were scattered across the kitchen island. And Hillary was perched on top, Hayden feeding her bites of decadent blueberry cheesecake. “This is amazing.” she closed her eyes savoring the sheer perfection of it. “You’re amazing.”

Hayden held the fork back just out of her reach. “You think so?”

Hillary leaned forward. “Yes, I do.” 

He rewarded her with another bite. “I could say the same thing.” he reached over to the cheesecake and sunk the fork down into it, savoring a bite. “If you want to get all mushy.”

She cupped his face in her hands, her eyes locking with his. “I love you so much. I think you’re worth getting all mushy over.”

“Does this mean you’re going to keep me around?”

Hillary kissed him softly. Slowly. Oh, how she loved this man. “I think there’s a pretty good chance of that. What do you say we go away for a while? Just the two of us. No patients, no politicians?” she suggested. 

“I would love that.” he replied with a smile. “You know I would never turn down any chance to be completely alone with you.”

“I’m so glad you said that.”

“Yeah, why’s that?”

“Because next Friday we’re leaving for St. Lucia for ten glorious days.” she told him. “We’re going to have an entire week for ourselves and then the boys are going to join us.”

Words could not describe how much he loved her. He never knew his second chance would be so amazing. “You are the most wonderful wife.” he leaned in and softly kissed her lips. “I love you so much.”

Hillary wrapped her leg around his waist. “How about you show me? Again.” she teased him. “If you’re up for it that is.”

“If I’m up for it?” he feigned hurt. “I’ll show you exactly what I’m up for.” His hands went for the curve of her waist and he had her thrown over his shoulder before she could protest. 

Laughter practically bubbled out of her. “Hayden!” 

He headed toward the kitchen stairs. “Oh no, Miss Rodham, you’ve brought this on yourself.”

/////

Hillary collapsed against him, sweaty and panting. Hayden’s hands gently rubbed up and down her slick back. “Is that what you had in mind?” he asked her, trying to catch his breath. 

“Better.” she replied.

She moved to his side and he wrapped his arms around her. They laid in silence for the longest time. The cooling night air kissed over their damp skin and their beating hearts slowly returned to normal. “The past six years with you have been amazing.” he said, his breath having returned to normal. “I’m glad you said yes five years ago.”

“Said yes?” she laughed. “I woke up with an engagement ring on.”

“Yes, but after I filled you in on all the details you said yes.”

“How could I have said no?” she asked, teasingly. 

He pressed a kiss against her temple. “It’s been my experience that Hillary Rodham does exactly what she wants. You wouldn’t have kept that ring on your finger that morning if you didn’t want it there.”

“I did want it.” she told him. “I still do. I fell in love with you so quickly and by that point I wanted nothing more than to be your wife.”

“Quickly, huh?” 

“Fairly quickly.”

Hayden quirked an eyebrow. “Love at first sight?” 

“Definitely smitten.”

“Smitten.” he chuckled. “How about love at first fuck? Because that was incredibly hot. The way you kept whimpering. Makes me hard just thinking about it.”

“It was incredibly hot. You were exactly what I needed, I just didn’t know how much.” she said. “I was thinking more along the lines of you coming to my house and teaching me how to make lasagna. We talked about our pasts and I just…knew. You weren’t intimidated by me and I was so captivated by you. It just felt right.”

“Are you still captivated by me, Miss Rodham?”

“More and more every day.”

“We’re in love, aren’t we?” his lopsided smile never ceased to warm her entire being.

“Oh, definitely.”

tbc…


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it's been a while! And I feel guilty because this has been sitting on my computer completely done since last November. Most of you know where I've been but for those of you who do not and thought I fell off the face of the earth I have two new additions to my family! Twin girls born in July after a difficult pregnancy. Now that things are settling hopefully I'll have some writing time. I thought up lots of good ideas during my bedrest!

Let Me Love the Lonely

Hillary came back into the family room and sat down next to Hayden on the sofa. She settled back down into his embrace, curling into him. There was literally nowhere else on earth she would rather be but in his arms. He pressed a soft kiss against her temple. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” she said, refocusing her attention back on the movie they had started. “Just work.”

“Anything urgent?”

Hillary shook her head. “Barack asked me to be his Secretary of State.”

He pulled back to look at her, taking in her calm demeaner. “Oh, is that all?”

“Mmmhmm.” she nodded. “Can you back this up a little? I feel like I missed too much.”

“Hillary?”

Her eyes were glued to the screen. “Yes, baby?”

Hayden reached for the remote, pausing the movie altogether. “The President Elect asked you to be Secretary of State?”

“Yes.” she repeated, looking up at him. “I told him no.”

“You told him no?” He was stunned. 

“Are you just going to repeat everything I say?”

“Pretty much.” he replied. “Until I get a straight answer.”

“I gave you a straight answer. I told him thank you, but no.”

Hayden was still taken aback. “Why not?”

“Because I think I can better serve the country in the Senate.” she replied. “I’m sure there’s someone more qualified than me to be Secretary of State.”

“Oh yeah?” he challenged. “Who?”

Hillary was silent for several long moments. She kept trying to find a name but kept drawing a blank. She shrugged. “Someone else.”

“You can’t name anyone.”

“Just because I can’t name anyone off the top of my head doesn’t mean there isn’t someone else more qualified.” she explained. “Besides it would mean a lot of travel and the kids…”

“Ben is sixteen.” he interrupted. “He’s going to college in two years.”

“Yes and that’s two more years I can spend with him before he goes across the country to school.”

“He’s not made a decision.” he told her. “And you act like if you’re Secretary of State you’ll be gone all the time.”

“There’s a lot of travel involved.”

“It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“I’m comfortable in the Senate.”

Hayden sighed, heavily. “What did Barack say?”

“He said to think about it.” she replied. “But he wants me to say yes.”

“I think you should do it.”

Hillary leaned over and softly kissed his lips. “I love you.” she smiled. “I also think you’re insane if you think I should do this.” she reached for the remote off the coffee table. “Besides I’m kind of liking the idea of retirement after this term is up.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Retirement?” he questioned. “Who are you and what have you done with my wife?”

“Yes, retirement.” she said, seriously. “I’ll be sixty-five by then. And I’m hoping we have some grandchildren to spoil.”

Hayden laughed. “I know you have this plan to be covered with grandchildren, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be Secretary of State. Besides I doubt any of our children are going to be having a baby in the next four years.”

“You never know.”

“No, I don’t.” he agreed. “But how cool would it be for our grandkids if their grandmother was Secretary of State, hmm?”

“I doubt he or she would care who they were spitting up on.”

Hayden laughed. “Come on, love. Take the man up on his offer. He picked the best person for the job.”

“I don’t know, Hayden.” she was skeptic. “I like things the way they are. It’s comfortable. I’m comfortable. And I’m getting a lot of good work done in the Senate.”

“And think how much more work you could do as Secretary of State.”

Hillary was silent for several long moments. “I’ll think about it.” she promised. “Now can we back up a bit and resume the movie?”

“If you insist.”

“I do.”

“Secretary Rodham.”

Hillary couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corner of her lips. The title didn’t sound so bad. Not in the least. 

/////

Hillary opened the cabinet door and retrieved a travel mug. The aromatic scent of dark roast enveloped the entire kitchen. She poured a generous amount, leaving a little room for a touch of creamer. “How late are you going to be, baby?”

Hayden was sitting in a kitchen chair putting his shoes on. “Not too late.” he promised. “I still intend to take you out to dinner.”

She placed the lid on the mug and he caught her eye from the other side of the room. He still looked so damn good in those blue scrubs. His hair had faded to a brownish grey and he was keeping it shorter, but still long enough for her to run her fingers through. She licked her lips and then bit down on the bottom one. 

Hayden could feel her eyes on him. “Something on your mind, Mrs. Dalton?”

“Hmm?” she questioned, her eyes meeting his. 

“You seem deep in thought.” he rose to full height and made his way across the kitchen to her. “What’s on your mind?”

“I was just thinking.”

His hands instinctively settled on her hips. “About?”

“Have you ever wondered what it would be like to make love to the Secretary of State?”

“Mmm.” he pondered. “I imagine kinkier than with a Senator.”

Hillary laughed. “Oh, you think so?”

“It would be a whole new mile high club experience.” he teased. “You get your own plane, you know.”

“I hear that’s one of the perks.”

“The plane or the hot sex?”

“The plane.” she clarified. “I already get hot sex.”

His hands traveled lower to her bottom, pulling her tighter into him. “Is that so?” his lips went for her neck. “Seems like someone is a little spoiled.”

Hillary wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him to her. “Maybe a little.” she sighed. “You know how much I hate being away from you.”

He kissed his way to her lips. “I love you so much.” he pulled back from her. “Accept Barack’s offer. Please?”

“You just want to be able to tell everyone your wife is Secretary of State.”

“Damn right.” he smiled. “They’ve been hearing that you’re the first woman Senator from New York for years now. We need to switch it up a bit.”

“You promise to travel with me some?”

“Absolutely.”

Hillary leaned in to kiss him. “You’ve got a deal.”

“I think you’re going to make the best damn Secretary of State in the history of the world.” his confidence in her never wavered. “And yes, that includes Madeleine, too.”

/////

Adam was suspicious the moment she had called him on a Sunday aftrnoon. She was on her way in from Chappaqua and she requested that he be waiting for her when she arrived at Whitehaven. Secret Service had let him in and he had made himself comfortable in her study, plucking a random book from the shelf and leafing through as he waited.

Hillary kicked off her shoes and stripped her coat off upon entering the house. She made her way down into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of champagne out of the fridge and two glasses from the cabinet. “Adam?” she called out. “Adam?”

He closed the book and laid it on the end table before following the sound of her voice into the kitchen. He quickly took in her gleeful appearance. “Okay, what’s going on?” he asked. “You didn’t do something to Senator Graham…”

“Hmm maybe.” she popped the top on the champagne. “We’re going to celebrate.” she beamed. “Everyone else will be here in about thirty minutes but I wanted to share this with you first.”

“Oh, yeah?” he quirked an eyebrow. “You know how much I love being let in on things first. And this kind of cements the fact that I’m your favorite.”

Hillary filled two champagne glasses. “Of course you are!” she handed him a glass and then picked up her own. “To the future.”

Adam clanked her glass against his. “That’s it?”

“No, baby, that’s not ‘it’.” she smiled, devilishly. “We’re changing offices.”

“Oh, that’s fantastic!” he said. “Oh, wait, something didn’t happen with Senator Kennedy?”

“What? No!” 

“Relax.” he drew the word out. “I didn’t know. You’re being very cryptic about this entire thing.” 

“Because you keep interrupting me, darling.”

Adam took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “Okay, go ahead. Do your thing.” he instructed. “Where are our new offices?”

“The Truman Building.”

He arched an eyebrow. “The Truman Building? That’s the State Department.” he said, more to himself than her. “Why would we be….” the look of elation on her face halted all his words. His mouth gaped open for several long moments. “You’re fucking kidding me?!”

“Actually, I’m very fucking serious.” she said. “I’ve accepted the position as Secretary of State.”

“Oh my God!” he breathed out. “This is amazing! Congratulations, Madam Secretary!”

“Thank you.”  
“You’re going to be so kickass.” he said, lifting his glass. “To Secretary Rodham, saving the world one awesome pantsuit at a time.”

Hillary clanked her glass against his and took a long drink. “I can’t do this without you, Adam. I need to know you’re committed to me and….”

“Absolutely!” he said. “It’s would be an honor, ma’am.”

She filled her champagne glass back up. “To an unbreakable partnership.”

“I’ll definitely drink to that.”

/////

Things were slowing down as Christmas break was approaching. And Hillary was looking forward to going home to Chappaqua for a few weeks. She desperately wanted to spend time with her husband and her children as well as wrap up as much as her Senate duties as possible. Her nomination had been announced that morning and the only thing she seemed to be able to do was answer congratulatory phone calls. 

Adam knocked on the open office door. Hillary looked up to see her exasperated assistant. “Sorry, last one, I promise.”

“You said that last time.” she replied. “What happened to thanking people on my behalf and taking messages?”

“I didn’t think that would work this time, ma’am.”

Hillary looked at the blinking light on her phone and then back up at her assistant. “Who’s on the line?” she asked. “And this really is the last call I’m taking, Adam.”

“Yes ma’am.” he said, reaching for the door knob and pulling it around with him. “It’s President Clinton.”

“Oh.” she said, surprised. “Of course, I’ll take it.”

“You’re welcome.” he closed the door behind him. 

Hillary picked up the phone. “Hello, Bill.”

“Congratulations, Madam Secretary.” he offered up. “I can’t think of a better person for the job.”

“Thank you.” she replied. “It wasn’t the easiest decision to make, but I’m hoping it was the right one.”

“You’re going to do great.” he encouraged. 

“I have to make it through the confirmation process first.”

“Piece of cake.” he assured her. “They’ll vote you in. You have good bipartisan appeal. Excellent name recognition.” he paused, pushing his emotions as far back as he could. “I’m very proud of you, Hillary.”

Silence lingered on Hillary’s end. This was the life they had envisioned together. Now it was her reality with someone else. Her throat constricted a bit. “Thank you.” she finally said. 

“I’m just giving credit where it’s due.” he told her. “Maybe next stop, President.”

“We’ll have to see.” she replied. “I don’t know how Hayden would feel about being First…Gentleman?”

Bill chuckled. “The man is arm candy, I’m sure he would be fine with it.”

Hillary laughed, loudly and deeply. “Oh, I’m sure he would love that.” she said. “I’m glad you called. You doing okay?”

“Foundation keeps me busy so does the Global Initiative.” he answered. “Things are good.”

“I’m glad, Bill.”

“Yeah, me too. I know you have to get back to work. It’s a big transition. I just wanted to say Congratulations.” he told her. “Take care, Hillary.”

“You too, Bill.” she placed the phone back in its cradle and turned her attention back to her work. Bill was right she did have a lot of things to transition in the next six weeks. It felt surreal, but at the same time so very right. 

 

tbc…


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the incredible welcome back. I feel so motivated. I hope you enjoy the final chapter. Hoping to find some time to work on Same Old Thing next. I'm going to work on reading it over again and go from there.

Let Me Love the Lonely

 

Everything was so quiet. Still. The atmosphere was almost surreal. The only thing she could hear was the inhalation of her breath and then the exhalation against the back of her throat. Even and controlled. Because that was the only thing keeping her going. The only thing keeping her upright.

The stairs creaked under her feet. She had never noticed that before. As did the hardwood. Even the patter of her stockinged feet was too loud for her. The trek to the master bedroom proved to be longer than ever and when she finally reached the threshold she lingered. Then there was no sound.

It occurred her to that she was suffocating. The simple and natural act of breathing had ceased. She was drowning in her own body. Her hand reached out for the door jamb to steady herself. She felt too much and too little all at the same time.

_His swept his thumb over her full bottom lip. “Come to bed with me, Miss. Rodham.” he husked. “I’m going to make you mine.”_

Her entire body ached for him. Her heart felt as though it was slowly being crushed in her chest, blood getting harder and harder to pump, the sound reverberating loudly in her ears. She would no longer find handwritten notes on her nightstand. Have decadent sweets show up at her office. Or be surprised at Whitehaven with a homemade dinner on a random Tuesday night.

_“Hayden…I don’t remember you proposing.”_

_“Because I didn’t.”_

_“You what?” she asked, looking him in the eye. “You didn’t propose?”_

_He shrugged. “I didn’t think I had to.” he replied. “I figured if we’re going to get married then you should have an engagement ring.”_

Tears poured silently down her face. Their life together was over. And all too soon. How the hell was she supposed to carry on without him? How was she supposed to face the days and the months and the years ahead of her when she could barely face the lingering moments?

_“Congratulations, Senator Rodham.” he smiled, brightly. “I knew you could do it!”_

Hillary turned from the master bedroom. She couldn’t do it, she couldn’t go inside. She made her way to the entrance of her upstairs office instead. A small, quiet room where she could gather her thoughts and her bearings. But all she could see was him. Placing a cup of tea on her desk. Finding a fresh flower on top of a stack of books. Seducing her out of her chair and into his lap on the sofa.

_“We’re in love, aren’t we?” his lopsided smile never ceased to warm her entire being._

Her feet couldn’t carry her fast enough down the stairs. She rushed to the laundry room at back of the house praying that there was something suitable for her to wear. The black dress pooled at her feet and she grabbed a pair of yoga pants, a camisole, and an oversized sweater, quickly slipping them on. She placed her dress on top of the washing machine.

_“I think you’re going to make the best damn Secretary of State in the history of the world.” his confidence in her never wavered. “And yes, that includes Madeleine, too.”_

“Fuck!” she swore. It was all too much. She had to get out of there.

Hillary slipped on a pair of ballet flats by the bench in the parlor and then opened the front door. “Hudson?” she cried out, almost frantic. “Hudson?”

Hudson quickly made his way up the stairs to her. Her face was soaked with tears, smudged makeup, her voice cracking. “Mrs. Dalton?” he rushed toward her. “What’s wrong?”

“I want to leave.” desperation flooded her voice. “Please, please, get me out of here.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Okay. I’ll get you out of here. Let’s get you cleaned up first though, okay?” he led her back inside the house and closed the door behind him. “Let’s go upstairs…”

“No!” she sobbed out. “I can’t! I can’t go up there!”

“You don’t have to go up there.” he said, calmly. “Come here.” he led her over to the bench and helped her sit down. “The press is going to be everywhere though so we need to make sure you’re presentable. I’m going to go upstairs and get a few things, is that okay?”

Hillary nodded. “Please hurry.” she rasped. “I can’t take much more.”

Hudson appeared back downstairs with a few makeup wipes and a scarf. He kneeled in front of her and began to gently cleanse one side of her face with the first cloth. “Where do you want to go?” he asked, gently. “Back to Mrs. Dalton’s?”

“No.”

He took a second makeup wipe and cleaned the eye makeup from the right side of her face. “We’ll drive into the city.” he told her. “Mrs. Rodham and Chelsea are back at her apartment.”

Hillary nodded. Over the years his dark hair had faded to grey and the lines around his eyes were more prominent. But she never felt safer than with him by her side. “Thank you.” she leaned forward and hugged him tightly.

He rubbed her back in soothing circles until he felt her begin to relax a little against him. “Are you ready?” he asked, pulling back.

“Yes.”

“I’m going to get you a coat.” he rose to full height and headed toward the closet under the stairs. “Are there sunglasses in your purse?”

“Yes.” she replied, reaching across the bench for her purse. “Somewhere in here.” She dug through until she came across them and then slipped them on her face.

Hudson held her coat out for her. “Do you need to stop anywhere?”

“No.” she replied. “I don’t want to worry with the press.”

He handed her the scarf. “We’ll be discreet as possible when we get to Manhattan.” he assured her. “Do you need anything else from here in the house?”

Hillary shook her head. “Thank you, Hudson.”

He took her hand in his. “Come on, let’s get you out of here.”

/////

Once she was safely enclosed in the guestroom Hillary took off her sweater and shoes. She reached for the knitted blanket on the back of the accent chair and climbed into the soft, inviting bed. The duvet seemed to pull her in and she sank down in it comfortably. She covered herself with the blanket and grabbed one of the decorative pillows, hugging it tightly to her body.

There was a soft knock at the door. “Hillary, baby?”

She looked up at her mother. “Yes?”

“I made you some hot cocoa.” she said, making her way across the room with the mug in her hand.

Hillary sat up a little in the bed. “Thank you.” she accepted the warm mug.

“I put an ice cube in there so it wouldn’t burn your tongue.” she sat down on the opposite side of the bed.

A smile pulled at her lips and she carefully took a sip, the sugared rim and warm liquid reminding her of an easier, simpler time in her life. “Thank you, mom.” The cocoa warmed her entire being and for a moment she allowed herself to just exist.

Dorothy reached for the mug. “Tell me what you need, sweetheart.” she sat the mug down on the bedside table. “I’m here for you whatever you need.”

“Can you just lay here with me?” she asked, sinking back down into the bed. “I don’t want to be alone. I can’t be alone.”

She reclined back against the headboard. “Of course.” she leaned down and pressed kiss against her forehead. “You just rest.” she whispered, brushing blonde hair away from her daughter’s face. “I’ll be right here.”

Hillary snuggled further into her mother’s embrace. “I’m so tired.” she told her. “I don’t want the kids to see me like this. I’m falling apart.”

“It’s okay to fall apart.” she assured her. “Even the Secretary of State is human.”

“Thank you.”

“You never have to thank me, baby.” she replied. “This is what mothers are for. You sleep and I’ll be right here.”

With her mother by her side Hillary felt relaxed for the first time in days. At first she had been in shock. A brain aneurism wasn’t something she saw coming. The death of her husband wasn’t something she saw coming. The next few days were consumed with making arrangements and she sailed through them on autopilot. But now. Now she was alone. And she didn’t know how to be alone.

/////

Secret Service opened the door allowing Adam to enter and then closed the door behind him. He sat his briefcase down on the bench and slipped off his coat and shoes. Hillary had a rule about no shoes past the entry way.

Everything felt different from the moment he entered the house. Heavier. Sadder. This wasn’t an ordinary morning. This was his first entrance in two weeks. Since Dr. Dalton had passed away.

He made his way into the kitchen and placed the briefcase on top of the island. He hit the button on the coffee maker, sliced a bagel and put half of it into the toaster, and then made his way up the back staircase and to the master bedroom. He found the door slightly ajar and he knocked softly.

“Madam Secretary?” he called out, slowly pushing the door open. “I have your morning briefings ready to go.” He pushed the door open wider and discovered that she was still in bed. “Madam Secretary?”

Hillary turned over onto her back. “I don’t want to go in.” she said, weakly. “I want to stay here.”

Adam arched an eyebrow. “You want to work from home?”

“No.” she whispered. “I want to stay in bed and sleep.”

He took a few breaths and weighed his options. She looked so weak and fragile laying there and he knew that wasn’t who she was. Never one to wallow in self-pity. “Well, that’s not an option.” he reached for the blankets. “You’re needed at the State Department.”

“The assistant secretary can handle it.”

“The assistant secretary has enough on his plate.” he countered. “You’re going to have to get up, shower, dress, and come to work.”

She pulled the blankets back up. “I can’t.”

“You can.” he said, firmly. “There’s only one other option here.”

“Then I’m going for option two.”

“You resign.” He was met with resounding silence. “Okay, then.” He headed for the door. “Just let me grab a pad and a pen from your study and we’ll draft your resignation.”

Hillary’s eyes widened. “No!”

Adam stopped in his tracks. “No?”

“No.” she repeated. “I do not want to resign.”

He walked back toward the bed and pulled back the blankets once again. “Okay then you have to get up.” he told her. “Because you can’t be Secretary of State from your bed.” He watched as the pushed herself up in the bed. “You haven’t been eating, you’re weak.”

“I haven’t felt like eating.”

Adam helped her up onto her feet. “Come on, let’s get you into the bathroom.” he walked the several steps with her, flipping on the lights. He opened the shower door and reached in, turning it on the water so it would warm up for her and then closed the door. “A hot shower will help.”

Hillary nodded as she started unbuttoning her pajama top. “I have no idea what to wear.”

“I’ll pick something out for you and leave it on the bed.” he told her. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I think so.” she slipped off the pajama top, Hayden’s pajama top, leaving her in a light-colored camisole.

“I’m going to order you some breakfast because I don’t think a bagel and fruit is going to cut it this morning.” he told her. “Then I’ll come back up and help you finish getting ready, okay?”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Fifteen minutes later Hillary exited the bathroom wrapped in a robe and towel drying her hair. Her bed had been made and Adam had laid out her clothes as promised. She got dressed and left the blazer laying on the bed for the time being. She made her way back into the bathroom and began drying her hair.

Adam was pleasantly surprised when he came back up and found her applying the finishing touches of her makeup. He smiled softly. She had been able to pull it together, all she needed was a little push. And in that moment he didn’t know rather that was a good thing or a bad thing. Until she looked over at him and smiled. It was soft and fleeting but it was a glimpse into the woman he knew was in there. It was just going to take time.

“Could you help me with my hair?” she asked.

“Yes, of course.” he made his way inside and picked the brush up off the vanity table. “Up or down?”

“You choose.”

He picked up the styling wand. “I ordered you stuffed French toast with blueberry syrup and bacon. I told them not too crispy on the bacon but not too soft, perfectly in between.”

Hillary’s eyes met his in the mirror. “I don’t know what I would do without you sometimes, Adam.”

“Well let’s just hope we never have to find out.” he reached for another section of hair. “I do have one request though.”

“What’s that?”

“When you become President can I be your Chief of Staff?”

Hillary chuckled. “Absolutely!”

“I’m glad you’re back.” he said, softly. “I know how hard this is for you, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

“Thank you, Adam.” she replied softly. “I’m going to be okay. It’s just going to take some time.”

“Well, I’m right here with you no matter what. We all are.” he reached for another section of hair. “I’ve pushed back your entire schedule today by an hour. And gave some of the lesser things to Cheryl to handle. I, however, could not get you out of your lunch meeting with VP Biden.”

“I appreciate your efforts.” she smiled, fleetingly. “I can make it through lunch.”

“I know you can.” he picked up the brush again and ran it through her hair. “I know you find him…a little insufferable. And too touchy.” he reached for the hairspray. “Close your eyes.” he instructed. “I have total control over the seating though so don’t worry.” He cocked his head to the side and smiled. “All done.”

Hillary opened her eyes. “Looks wonderful, thank you.”

“God, your hair is to die for.” he sighed. “It’s absolutely ridiculous.” he held out his hand and helped her to her feet. “I’ll brief you during breakfast and then we can do our deep breathing exercise in the car, okay?”

“You’re always one step ahead.” she leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Completely irreplaceable.”

Adam drew her into a hug, inhaling the sweet scent of her, before pulling back. “Now, let’s get ready to kick Russia’s ass.”

Hillary laughed. “You are going to make an excellent Chief of Staff when I’m President.”

“I’m counting on it, ma’am.” he smiled. “Certainly the most stylish.”

/////

Hillary slipped on her blazer and picked up her briefcase off the bench. For the first time in her adult life she was all alone. She wasn’t the young bride standing in the living room in Arkansas. She wasn’t the confident woman standing in a sea of bright green grass on Nantucket Island. But she was then and now and forever Hillary Rodham. Lawyer. Advocate. Senator. Secretary of State. And she could conquer anything.


End file.
